At weddings, old people tell kids "you're next". At funerals, little kids tell old people "you're next".
What’s one thing you can say at a funeral and during sex.
She was too young.
Cremation, The last chance for a smoking hot body.
Woman: "Doctor, where are we going?" Doctor: "To the morgue." Woman: "I'm not dead yet, doctor." Doctor: "We're not at the morgue yet, either."
If you die a virgin, then where does your v-card go? Does it go with you to the grave or does your mortician take it from you?
When you die, people cry and wish you to come back.
But when you do, people scream and run away.
Whats the worst thing to say at a funeral? "Hi guys, welcome to my unboxing video!"
Will glass coffins be a success? -- Remains to be seen.
my friend died from an allergic reaction.he gave me an EpiPen while he was dying so now i have something to remember him from.
Place a man in a morgue, he'll try to leave.
Place a doctor in a morgue, he'll go to work.
Place a necrophiliac in a morgue, he'll stay happy for a week.
The cemetery is so overcrowded. People are just dying to get in.
When earthquakes hit coffins become maracas underground
what does a necrophiliac get at a wedding? mourning wood
Saying I’m sorry and I apologise are basically the same thing... except at a funeral
How many orphans does it take to "test drive" a bus? It depends on how much space the orphanage has and how much space the cemmetary has.
My dad always wanted one last smoke before his death so we smoked his ashes.
I was at a funeral for some kids in a school shooting. I don’t understand why everyone was so sad, so I asked a lady, what’s so sad and she said “What do you think was running through these kid’s head before they died”. I replied “probably a bullet”, she gasped and said “do you have any idea how insensitive that is, what do you think is running through their parent’s heads”, I said " probably all the money their losing from this funeral".
My friend was pissed of with me. I was sniffing his sisters knickers. It was worse that they were still on her. It was worse the family were there. It made the rest of her funeral really awkward
At every funeral it's a try-not-to-say-big-mood-challenge for me
I still remember the last thing my grandfather said before kicking the bucket: "Hey, wanna see how far I can kick this bucket?"
