Funeral jokes
Saying I'm sorry and I apologize are basically the same thing... except at a funeral.
I went to the orphanage and shot everyone in there. It's not like anyone will attend their funeral.
Imagine when you are about to cry at the funeral, then your friend's phone rings.
Then he says, "I'll call you back, I'm still at the die."
Everyone at the Queen's funeral:
Me and the boys getting her reboot card.
What did one casket say to the other casket?
"Is that you coughin'?"
What song do you play at an emo kid's funeral?
Van Halen's "Jump."
I'm sorry and I apologize mean the same thing, except at a funeral.
Your mom gay.
When I died, my friend said he'd cover me.
Teacher: We have a new student today class, come introduce yourself.
Student: My name is Buttitches.
Teacher: Please tell us your real name.
Student: Buttitches.
Teacher: I’m calling the police.
Police: Son, please tell me your real name or I’m going to shoot you.
Student: Buttitches.
Police: *shoots gun.*
A few days later, the police go to the funeral and sits behind the mom. While crying, the mom says, "My Buttitches!" The police say, "We’ll scratch it, lady."
Why can't orphans have a funeral? Because their parents won't be there.
I killed a homeless dude, now she's at the funeral home. 😭💔
Imagine saying "my bad" instead of "sorry for your loss" at a funeral.
What's black and white and red all over?
A massacre at a funeral.
1. Full name: John.
2. Proverb: work is not a rabbit, does not run.
3. Favorite meal: the sphinx with the sour cream.
4. Sexual orientation: sexually disorientated.
5. Mental health: mentally retarded.
6. Previous careers: funeral undertaking, after that two years in the circus as the main brown bear, after that in the church school for two years, after this experience five years as a screw in the jail for the worst criminals with the top degree of supervision and now working for the secret services in my home country after gaining the top-secret audit.
7. Favorite pets: dog, bumble bee named Maxo, a butterfly named Redwing and the lizard named Notail.
8. Favorite activities: washing the dishes, cutting the woods, vacuuming and playing hard rock.
9. Working motivation: none.
I hope that you will accept my curriculum vitae and that we will see each other soon already as new colleagues, I wish more or less. Kind regards, John.
My friend was pissed off with me. I was sniffing his sister's knickers. It was worse that they were still on her. It was worse the family were there. It made the rest of her funeral really awkward.
I heard this was a really popular funeral home. People are dying to get in.
Why was there a box in a church? Because there was a funeral.
"I’m sorry" and "I apologize" mean the same thing.
Except at a funeral.
Q: Why is the graveyard so noisy? A: Because all the coffin.
If you don't get it, it means because of people coughing.