Funeral jokes

How many orphans does it take to "test drive" a bus? It depends on how much space the orphanage has and how much space the cemetery has.

You'll end up DEAD if you don't stop COFFIN!!!

My grandma refused to be an organ donor. She was buried with all her musical instruments.

I heard the man who invented Autocorrect died; may he rest in peace.

My friend was pissed off with me. I was sniffing his sister's knickers. It was worse that they were still on her. It was worse the family were there. It made the rest of her funeral really awkward.

I was making sandcastles with my Nan, then my mum came in the room and took away the urn.

At every funeral, it's a try-not-to-say-"big mood"-challenge for me.

I still remember the last thing my grandfather said before kicking the bucket: "Hey, wanna see how far I can kick this bucket?"

I hate double standards. If you burn a body at a crematorium, you're doing a good job. If you burn a body at home, you're destroying evidence.

A favorite childhood memory was building sandcastles with my grandfather, that is until my mom took the urn away from me.

When Michael Jackson died, people melted him down into Lego pieces so that little kids could play with him instead.

After I am dead during my funeral service, I want someone to play my favorite song by Boy George and Culture Club, "Church of the Poison Mind."

My friend had one request for me before he committed suicide, and that was to play Van Halen’s “Jump” at his funeral.

what do you call it when a person dies in Panera Bread?

Panera dead.

A friend of mine used to be morbidly obese, but after lots of exercise and hard work... We were able to lift his coffin.

You're the type of person to play "Girl on Fire" during a funeral.

Went to my friend's house, fucked his sister.

I had a fun funeral / birthday.

What happened after Technoblade died?

Everyone got raw pork chop.

Cremation. My final hope for a smokin’ hot body!

If someone burns to death, do they get a discount at the crematorium?