Funeral Jokes

I wanted to do something nice for my uncle, so i cleaned out the nice vase that was given at grandma's funeral. It had so much sand im glad to help

My mate caught me sniffing his disabled sisters knickers the other day, it wouldn’t of been so bad but she’s was wearing them at the time, it made the rest of the funeral so awkward

Little Johnny’s father walks into the bathroom and catches him masturbating. He says, “Son, every time you do that you kill an innocent baby.” The next day his father walks into the bathroom and catches him again. Johnny says, “Bow your head, Dad. Can’t you see we’re having a funeral?”

Say this when you answer a spam call... Hi welcome to bobs taco shack and funeral home. Wear yesterdays grief is todays beef.

My friend is upset with me because I sniffed his Grandmothers nickers. Not sure if it was because she was still waring them or if it was because the whole family was watching. Either way, the rest of her funeral was really awkward.

A French, a German and an Italian make a race to who resists the most in a room full of flies. The French starts, which after a quarter of an hour comes out. Then goes the German, who comes out after an hour. Finally the Italian enters who comes out after five hours. The French: "But how did you do it?" The Italian: "I killed one." The German: "So what?" The Italian: "And then they were all busy for the funeral!"

Today I passed the exams to be a funeral director!

Too bad it's a dying trade. :)