Funeral jokes

My relatives always teased me during weddings, saying, "You'll be next!"

But they stopped when I did the same to them during funerals.

"I'm sorry" and "I apologize" mean the same thing. Except at a funeral.

What do you call Juice WRLD in a coffin?

A juice box...

"Where exactly are you taking me, doctor?"

"To the morgue."

"What? But I’m not dead yet!"

"And we’re not there yet."

I got an Xbox achievement the other day. It said "Trash Master," and everyone looked at me at the funeral.

Don’t cry when you attend my funeral, I was dead long ago so why cry now?

What’s made of wood and is zig zag shaped?

Stephen Hawking's coffin.

Some people are such treasures that you sometimes just wanna bury them.

I wanted to do something nice for my uncle, so I cleaned out the nice vase that was given at grandma's funeral. It had so much sand, I'm glad to help.

Did you hear about the cemetery? I heard that people are dying to be there.

My Chinese friend died recently, So Yung.

Did you hear about the woman who put her husband’s ashes in a burrito?

He gets to tear that ass up one more time.

An apple a day keeps the doctor away. Or at least it does if you throw it hard enough.

Why is it that if you donate a kidney, people love you? But if you donate five kidneys, they call the police.

My senior relatives liked to tease me at weddings, saying things like, “You’ll be next!” They stopped once I started doing the same to them at funerals.

Grandpa's last words: "Why do you have a chainsaw?"

"I’m sorry" and "I apologize" mean the same thing.

Except at a funeral.

My grief counselor died. He was so good, I didn't even care.

How do you bury a prostitute?

In a Y-shaped coffin.

When I die I want to have a piece of paper near me giving a clue on how I died, like, "I want everyone to miss me except for this bullet," or, "You didn't hang with me but guess what did?"

I remember when I was at a funeral at the age of 6. I was with my grandma and asked, "Grandma, Grandma, why is that man in a box?"

And she says, "He's in a better place now." I look at her confused and ask, "What kind of box did he live in before?! How is this box better than the last one?! It's just a box!"

And to this day I am still not allowed to go to funerals.

Why didn't the skeleton go to prom?

He was dead. You fool. You fell for my trick. I'm very heartless.

Oh wait.

You fool!