Funeral Jokes

Some people are such treasures that you sometimes just wanna bury them

I wanted to do something nice for my uncle, so i cleaned out the nice vase that was given at grandma's funeral. It had so much sand im glad to help

Did you hear about the cemetery? I heard that people are dying to be there

If someone burns to death, do they get a discount at the crematorium?

Did you hear about the woman who put her husband’s ashes in a burrito? He gets to tear that ass up one more time

An apple a day keeps the doctor away. Or at least it does if you throw it hard enough.

Why is it that if you donate a kidney, people love you. But if you donate five kidneys, they call the police.

My senior relatives liked to tease me at weddings, saying things like, “You’ll be next!” They stopped once I started doing the same to them at funerals.

Grandpa's last words,why do you have a chain saw

“I’m sorry” and “I apologize” mean the same thing. Except at a funeral.

My grief counselor died, he was so good, I didn't even care.

When I die I what to have a piece of paper near me giving a clue on how I died, like, "I want everyone to miss me except for this bullet," or," You didn't hang with me but guess what did?"

I remember when I was at a funeral at the age of 6. I was with my grandma and asked, "Grandma, Grandma. Why is that man in a box?" and she says, "He's in a better place now." I look at her confused and ask, "WHAT KIND OF BOX DID HE LIVE IN BEFORE?! HOW IS THIS BOX BETTER THAN THE LAST ONE?! IT'S JUST A BOX!" And to this day I am still not allowed to go to funerals.

Why Didnt The Skeleton Go To Prom?

He Was Dead. You Fool. You Fell For My Trick. Im Very Heartless-

Oh Wait

YOU FOOL-

before i die ima ask to be cremated. then ima eat a buncha popcorn kernels. then ill die, and get cremated. BOOM! im popcorn.

someone dies

Setting: Funeral Home

Customer: Yes I was considering what would be the best option for cheap cremation but I feel that's silly to ask.

Funeral Director: Oh! We do have these nice urns over hear at a discounted 75 percent off. Customer: Okay? What's the catch. That's almost 300 dollars off?

Funeral Director: I assure you these are top of the line urns and will keep your loved ones remains secure and dry. Customer: Okay?

Funeral Director: Yep these have only been used once so it's is absolutely worth the purchase.

By: MiniMemorials.com