Funeral jokes
Why do cemeteries have fences?
Because people are dying to be there.
I'm gonna eat a hell of a lot of popcorn kernels before I die just to make the cremation a little more interesting.
Haha, dead.
A 6-year-old girl decides to get baptized. She walks into the water of the river. Unfortunately, the pastor was drunk. The pastor put her in the water and dunked her under. The drunken man then forgot to bring her up from the water. The poor girl drowned and died...
Later on, when the pastor was better and thrown in jail, all he had to say to the mortified family was, “Well, at least she’s in heaven!”
Do you ever consider during the cremation that the meat is well done?
What do you call Juice WRLD in a coffin?
A juice box...
I was at a funeral and made a joke. No one laughed, but someone died.
At weddings my mom always tells me I’m next. So I say the same to her, at funerals.
My dad said, "Where's Pickles, the family cat?" I said, "I'm sorry to say he's in the sky." He said, "Oh, I see, he passed away." No, I strapped him to 20 fireworks!
Grandma told me that when she passed away she wants to be a tree, and so she could live forever.
But I'm not gonna lie, it was a nice toasty fire...
I saw a petition on replacing gravestones with trees so it will be a beautiful forest.
Son: Where's grandma?
My dad told me a story today. His mom, my grandma, said if a bird gets in your house, someone will die.
That day, a hummingbird got in his UPS truck, and that’s the day he found out that my grandma had cancer. 😭😭😭😭😭 6 weeks later, she died. 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭
My dad always wanted one last smoke before his death, so we smoked his ashes.
Why don’t coffins have Wi-Fi?
Because they don’t want people to be so ‘connected’ while they’re trying to rest in peace.
When I die, I’ll die in a trash can.
I heard the man who invented Autocorrect died; may he rest in peace.
You were sad because your grandmother died.
The next day, you were washing your face, and you realize sadness made your face BLUE.
When I die I want to have a piece of paper near me giving a clue on how I died, like, "I want everyone to miss me except for this bullet," or, "You didn't hang with me but guess what did?"
What's white as snow within 15-25 mins after death and then black and blue and red all over?
A corpse, of course!
When my family goes to weddings, my senior relatives tell me things like “You’re next!” So I started doing the same to them at funerals.