Friend jokes

I bet my friend $5 that he would drown in the lake.

... It was a bittersweet victory.

My friend just got hit by a car and is now in a wheelchair. He is getting bullied, but I don’t understand why he just can’t stand up for himself.

Guys, can we change pride month to another month, please? My birthday is in June, and I'm not gay, and my friends keep making fun of me. I think we should change it to March because my brother's birthday is in March, and that'd be funny.

So I had an idea: you and a friend go bar (pub (whatever you call it)) hopping and propose to said friend in each one so everyone buys you free drinks and you get drunk and have a great time.

Me: Do you like smash?

Friend: Smash Rolls?

Me: No, Smash DEEZ NUTS!

Friend: AHHHHH (*moans)

My cousin’s friend spelled “racist” wrong and when my cousin showed me, the first thing I said to my cousin’s friend is “Go to Grammarly. They REALLY teach you spelling.”

Today, I saw my friend go crazy eating her ham sandwich. When she went to the bathroom, I checked inside her ham sandwich, and there were fresh drugs.

My ex wanted to humiliate me in front of her friends, so she said I was useless in bed.

Should have seen her face when they all disagreed.

Why'd the emo have no friends?

"Because they like to hang by themself."

Friend: How's it going?

Me: Good, things are good!

Parent: How are you?

Me: Oh, I'm fine!

Twitter: Compose new tweet?

Me: Hellooooo, I would like to tell you about my anxiety & my current greatest fears & let's talk about the impending apocalypse while we're at it.

Why didn't the orphans stay at the park for days? Because they had no one to pick them up.

What's an orphan's best friend? A boomerang because it's the only thing that ever came back.

I had to go to my friend's house.

I went in her basement and I saw taped mouths that are KIDS in the basement... Is my friend OK???

My friend asks me what does "idk" mean. I said, "I dion't know." My friend says, "You mean I don't know." I said, "That's what I said!"

Me: Do you like cobble?

My friend: No.

Me: Gobble deez nuts!

If you drop something, make your short friend get it.

Me: I am the second worst thing that happened to these orphans.

Friend: What was the first?

Me: They- they weren't always orphans.

Friend: O-O

A Spanish magician is trying the disappearing trick. He counts "Uno, dos..." and leaves no trace.

I don't know, my friend did it.

When you ask your friend, "Can I hear a joke?"

"Sure."

"What do orphans and orange peels have the same?"

"What?"

"They both get thrown out."

If your name is Jack, I think you are a stupid person that leaves their friends and blocks them on everything.

What is the best whey to make friends with an American boy, you bunch?