Friend jokes

Me: What’s the definition of “ignorance”?

Friend: Don’t know?

Me: U STUPID!

What shoe shop would be a lesbian's best friend, decimen?

I asked my friend how long I can be in the sky. He said if you are emo, then forever.

Friend: You ok, man?

Me: Yea... I'll just leave myself "hangin'" tonight...

I saw my friend hang themselves. My response was, I guess they wanted to hang with someone.

My depressed friend said he wanted to jump off of a bridge but he didn’t wanna commit suicide. I told him if you jump and yell "parkour," it’ll just be a failed stunt.

Give a like if I have no friends.

Last week was my blind friend's birthday. I thought I would give him something really good that he may need.

As I walk into his house and give him a cheese grater for a birthday present, he sets it next to him. As weeks pass, he comes up to me. He said, "That present that you gave me for my birthday was the most intense book I have ever read!"

What do cells call their friends with? A cell phone.

Tell me morbid jokes in comments so I have some jokes for my friend.

My friend is upset with me because I sniffed his grandmother's nickers. Not sure if it was because she was still wearing them or if it was because the whole family was watching. Either way, the rest of her funeral was really awkward.

If you are friendly on a game, should I will kill you in the game? You should say, "Will, if you did kill me, I will tell my more friendly to ban you from the game." The friendly should [ask], "What you got?" Friendly on the game [replies], "Jack, you are not my friendly, the all friendly you be ban, if you don't get it, will have fun." If you don't like the text, I am come for you. Ok, now like it, the end.

You're so fat that when you go on a walk with your friends, it looks like they are orbiting you.

What was Pepe's best friend? Ballsack.

A man dies, and his friend is invited to his funeral.

This friend asks his wife, "Can I say a word?"

"Of course," she says.

The man stands up and says, "Plethora!"

The man's wife says, "Thanks, it means a lot!"

During a show, I once asked the crowd if they were pro-guns, and the majority belted out in approval.

I asked a man in the front row why he was pro-guns, and he gave me the basic “personal protection liberty 2nd amendment” hooplah.

Very seriously, I told the crowd, “I’m pro-guns because I enjoy living in a world with only four Nirvana albums.”

My friend was the only one who laughed.

I told the ugly friend in my friend group that when they daydream, they shouldn't picture themselves because it will just ruin it.

Friend, your mum's fat.

Me: Well, your mum's so fat, she played pool with the planets.

TJ's hairline is so far back, his friends don't even want to talk to him.

My friend put an action toy and called it Kobe and put it on a drone. I realized that my friend didn't know how to fly a drone.