Friend jokes
POV: When the orphan kid goes to church and they have to swear on something.
The kid: "I swear on my... friends. Oh wait, I don't have any."
My friend: You're ugly.
The orphanage: That's what I said to all my children.
One of my friends got a haircut, and everyone giggled and bullied him... I didn’t, I died of laughter 😂
Give a like if I have no friends.
So, I got my blind friend a Big Mac for his birthday. A week later, he walked up to me and said,
"Damn, that was the most violent book I've ever read."
In Africa, a koala and a kangaroo were very thirsty. The kangaroo said that when they have no water, they dig a hole and water comes out of it. Then the kangaroo dug, and in one minute the koala asked if there was any water. The kangaroo said no, and the koala had to wait for many minutes. Soon water came out of the hole, and then the koala jumped into the hole and drank water. The kangaroo wanted water too, so he tried to pull out the koala, but instead, his tail got chopped off, and then they never became friends again.
How does the skeleton call his friends? With a tele-bone.
Roses are red, I have a confession:
A man kills best friend after 10hrs anal sex session.
I have a little John.
What do a school shooter and a person with gum have in common?
One's the pull it out everyone wants to be their friend.
Friend says, "You were so drunk last night, you threw a mushroom at a midget and said, 'Grow, Mario, grow.'"
You travel to the past into the era where Julius Caesar is still alive. He thinks you may be from the future to bring him good news. He asks you, "How do I die?"
You reply with: "Surrounded by friends."
Me: Are you an alien?
Friend: No.
Me: Yeah, because you're too ugly to be one.
Why aren't emos and trees friends? Because the tree leaves them hanging.
Me rn: "Yo yo yo, for pre-K I went to K.I.S.S. a school."
My friend: "What is K.I.S.M.A.?"
Me: "K.I.S.M.A. balls!"
I copied my friend's work. It's not like the teacher can tell my parents.
My friend is blind so he can "no see."
Friend: Eric, spell mouse.
Eric: M O U S.
Friend: Yes - But what's on the end of it?
As a son, I was starting to do pranks. I told my mom’s boyfriend that she cheated on him and she doesn’t want to be with him anymore, and I told him that my mom said that he had a small penis. He left my mom, and she was mad at me. I thought it was funny.
Then I told my friend’s girlfriend that he cheated on her with another girl, and the girl told me that my friend had a small penis. He found out and wanted to confront me in my house. I wasn’t home. My friend told my mom what happened. Then my mom said the same thing happened to me. I came home one day, I saw my mom giving my friend a blow job. I asked what’s going on. My friend told me, "Your mom is my new girlfriend," and my mom said, "This is the penis of my dreams."
I saw my friend hang themselves. My response was, I guess they wanted to hang with someone.