Friend jokes
My lesbian friends bought me a gold timepiece for my birthday.
But, I think they got confused when I said, "I wanna watch!"
My friend got arrested for shooting an unarmed black teen.
He was charged for impersonating a police officer.
Friend: Name one gay person off the top of your head.
Me: Me.
Tigger was playing hide & seek, so he looked in the toilet, but all he found was Pooh.
Why does the owl 🦉 have a lot of friends?
Because he’s a hoot.
What do your teacher and your friend have in common?
They will both die eventually.
One day a man buys a rope to commit suicide, but his friend stops him.
They go to a school with lots of happy kids. The guy feels better after a mag.
I told my friends that are gay that my hairline's straighter than he will ever be.
My ex-friends are depressed. Their names are Kaitlyn and Ava.
People call my blind friend dumb sometimes.
She can't see the obvious.
My mom gave my friend a blow job for good luck on his job interview, then my mom gave my other friend a blow job for his interview, and they both got the job. Now who needs good luck? Just ask my mom. My mom is a good luck charm.
Me and my friend's life story on a daily basis.
Cheese, gimme cheese!
(inspired by a friend)
What does a bad friend give a blind kid for his birthday?
Give him a gun and tell him it's a hairdryer.
My friend said they were going to make a comeback. I told them to do it at the back of the throat.
Friend: You ok, man?
Me: Yea... I'll just leave myself "hangin'" tonight...
Your friend lost his left arm, and after getting out of the hospital, you ask him if he’s OK. He says, "Yeah, I’m all RIGHT."
I beat up my twin friends with a plane.
My friend said to me that I am gay. My response? I’m as straight as that pole that your mum danced on last night.
My Friend Evan: What happens if the voice inside your head is your soulmate?
Me: Then my soulmate is a F_cking A__hole.