Friend

Friend jokes

Hairline

I told my friends that are gay that my hairline's straighter than he will ever be.

Soulmate

My Friend Evan: What happens if the voice inside your head is your soulmate?

Me: Then my soulmate is a F_cking A__hole.

Twin

Me: What did the twin say to the other twin?

Friend: I don't know.

Me: I'll fall with you.

Updog

Go up to your friend and say: "It smells like updog."

They will likely reply: "What's updog?"

To which you reply: "Nothing much, what about you?"

Oreo

BFF: Dude, come over to my house right now!

Me: What? No way, it's 2:58 AM.

BFF: But I just found my brother's secret stash of Oreos!

Me: I'll be over in 5 minutes.

Ass

My dumb ass thinking I made a friend, oh ya, I forgot, literally nobody likes me!

Owl

Why does the owl 🦉 have a lot of friends?

Because he’s a hoot.

Man

Friend: You ok, man?

Me: Yea... I'll just leave myself "hangin'" tonight...

Pooh

Tigger was playing hide & seek, so he looked in the toilet, but all he found was Pooh.

Arrest

My friend got arrested for shooting an unarmed black teen.

He was charged for impersonating a police officer.

Top

Friend: Name one gay person off the top of your head.

Me: Me.

Suicide

One day a man buys a rope to commit suicide, but his friend stops him.

They go to a school with lots of happy kids. The guy feels better after a mag.

Death

What do your teacher and your friend have in common?

They will both die eventually.

Mom

My mom gave my friend a blow job for good luck on his job interview, then my mom gave my other friend a blow job for his interview, and they both got the job. Now who needs good luck? Just ask my mom. My mom is a good luck charm.

Tree

One day, there are friends having fun.

Hours later, one of the friends, Alice, wanted to leave and said, "Cya guys, I'm just gonna hang in the tree and have some fresh air."

And they all agree.

Hours go by, and the group of friends are ready to go home, but then they see a tree in the distance that looks like someone is hanging on the tree with a tight rope.