Friend

Friend jokes

Girlfriend

A guy walks to his friend's house. His friend says, "Where is your girlfriend?" The guy says, "Meet me at the cemetery in a week."

Wheelchair

Me and my friends are going to create a Steps tribute band. We are all in wheelchairs, so we are going to be called "Ramps."

Depression

When my mom asks, "If your friend pays you to jump off a bridge, would you do it?" I say, "No, Mom... I'd do it for free!"

Kill

My friend is gonna release an air strike. There has to be at least 20 confirmed toilet kills.

People

You never think of how people will react to an event. My friend gets discounts at any store he goes to.

Butt

Two friends are arguing and one friend says, "Jason Warhis is not afraid of water and not ifs, ands, or buts about it."

And the other friend says, "Butt he is."

Masturbation

Have you ever had a friend who masturbated many times? I had one who did a lot, but he had no imagination... when he masturbated, he imagines his hand.

Nudist

My friend wasn't open to the idea of me becoming a nudist.

I told him to stop being so clothes-minded.

Benefit

They say making and having friends comes with some benefits. I guess you could say I have friends with benefits.

Dog

God creates dog.

God: "You are man's best friend."

Dog: "That's pretty sexist."

God: "No, man as in- You know what, FUCK IT! You can't speak!"

Dog: "....."

God: "And chocolate kills you!"

Dog: "🐶"

Denial

My friend fell on the Nile river and Egypt last week.

He swears by it, but he’s in denial.

Helen Keller

What is the most awkward moment when Helen Keller is playing pin the tail on the donkey?

Her friends aren’t sure whether to blindfold her.

Sleepover

I took my sister and cousin to a sleepover with lil Diddy, who my dad's friend has connections with.

I think the experience went fine, but they were traumatized. We got what we wanted.

Dog

I'm Asian and there is a saying that dogs are man's best friends. They are my best friends because they keep me from starving.

Girlfriend

My girlfriend went to Tokyo, and she died in the tsunami.

Since I was sad, my friend told me, "Don't worry, there's plenty more in the ocean."

Friend Group

I told the ugly friend in my friend group that when they daydream, they shouldn't picture themselves because it will just ruin it.

Hairline

My friend Josh made a joke about Liam's hairline, even though his ears are so big and his face looks like a monkey... if they were white.

Tree

My parents told me that I should go hang with my friends and get out of the house.

So I called some of my friends and told them to meet me in the school yard. One said, "What tree?"

I replied, "You’ll know when you get here!"

My parents never said how they wanted us to hangout.