Friend Jokes

When my mom asks, "If your friend pays you to jump off a bridge, would you do it?" I say, "No, Mom... I'd do it for free!"

How does the skeleton call his friends? With a tele-bone.

My friend is gonna release an air strike. There has to be at least 20 confirmed toilet kills.

You never think of how people will react to an event. My friend gets discounts at any store he goes to.

Two friends are arguing and one friend says, "Jason Warhis is not afraid of water and not ifs, ands, or buts about it."

And the other friend says, "Butt he is."

Have you ever had a friend who masturbated many times? I had one who did a lot, but he had no imagination... when he masturbated, he imagines his hand.

My friend wasn't open to the idea of me becoming a nudist.

I told him to stop being so clothes-minded.

They say making and having friends comes with some benefits. I guess you could say I have friends with benefits.

Hi Eric Le!

God creates dog.

God: "You are man's best friend."

Dog: "That's pretty sexist."

God: "No, man as in- You know what, FUCK IT! You can't speak!"

Dog: "....."

God: "And chocolate kills you!"

Dog: "🐶"

My friend fell on the Nile river and Egypt last week.

He swears by it, but he’s in denial.

What is the most awkward moment when Helen Keller is playing pin the tail on the donkey?

Her friends aren’t sure whether to blindfold her.

Me to friend: I'm homeschooled.

Friend: If I was homeschooled, I'd kms.

Me: Oh, I already tried that.

I took my sister and cousin to a sleepover with lil Diddy, who my dad's friend has connections with.

I think the experience went fine, but they were traumatized. We got what we wanted.

I'm Asian and there is a saying that dogs are man's best friends. They are my best friends because they keep me from starving.

What's the difference between me and my mate...

I left my dad, while hers left with their friend Cancer.

My girlfriend went to Tokyo, and she died in the tsunami.

Since I was sad, my friend told me, "Don't worry, there's plenty more in the ocean."

I told the ugly friend in my friend group that when they daydream, they shouldn't picture themselves because it will just ruin it.

My friend Josh made a joke about Liam's hairline, even though his ears are so big and his face looks like a monkey... if they were white.

My parents told me that I should go hang with my friends and get out of the house.

So I called some of my friends and told them to meet me in the school yard. One said, "What tree?"

I replied, "You’ll know when you get here!"

My parents never said how they wanted us to hangout.