Friend

Friend jokes

Religion

    • When someone has an imaginary friend, you call them weird and crazy.

    But when a group of people have an imaginary friend, you call it religion. :)

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    • Family

    • Dad: "Son, does mommy like having lady-friends over?"

    Son: "Nah, mostly men."

    Dad: "Do you think you'd be comfortable telling that to a judge in court?"

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    • Friend memes

    Orphanage

    • Me and my friend are walking, we see a kid. My friend asks him why he's crying and if he lost his parents. He said, "Yeah." I slapped my friend because we were at an orphanage.

    Taco

    • One day my friend said: "I want tacos from Katie's, you?" and I said no thanks and she left. I never saw her again. Today I remember that I saw her name on TV as one of the victims of suicide, then I remember her and my motto: "If I'm dying, you're dying with me, you got no choice." I NEVER ate tacos from Katie's again.

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    • Indian

    • An Indian has a seat between two Pakistani's on board an airplane.

    It's quite obvious to each of the three men where they are from. The Indian asks, "Pardon me gentleman, you wouldn't mind me sitting between you, do you? This is my seat, after all."

    The Pakistanis look at each other, and then look back at him. One of them smiles and says, "Not at all! After all, Pakistanis and Indians are brothers! Are we not?"

    The Indian is delighted at how warm and friendly they are, and he takes his seat. Shortly the plane takes off and the three guys are just chilling until the Indian says, "You know it's going to be a long ride and I am getting thirsty. Brothers, can I get any of you like a drink?" Then one of them says, "Yes brother, I would like a Coke!"

    The Indian slips off his shoes and walks barefoot to where the stewardess is at, and when the Indian is out of view, one of the Pakistanis spits into his shoe. The Indian comes back and gives him a Coke.

    Then the other Pakistani says, "You know what brother? I would also like a Coke too!" The Indian happily obliges, and as soon as he is out of view, he also spits in his shoe before the Indian gives him a Coke.

    Finally, the Indian slips on his shoes and suddenly realizes how wet they are. He shakes his head and says, "Brothers! Why must we do this to each other, spitting in each other's shoes and peeing in each other's Cokes?"

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    • Uncle

    • Kid's uncle: "Your mum said you can have your friends round tonight! But I'm gonna have to baby sit today."

    Kid: "OK THANK YOU."

    (AT BED TIME)

    Kid: "Please may you stop touching my leg BEN!"

    Ben: "I'm not."

    (Turns light on) Kid: "UNCLEEEEE STOP SPILLING MILK OVER ME!!!"

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    • Vibrator

    • Okay, what do you call that purple thing in your mom's top dresser drawer that she calls her best best friend for some weird reason?

    Dad better look out from Bob, battery-operated boyfriend, hahaha!

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