Friend jokes
A poster for the winter relief fund reads: "No one should be allowed to go hungry or suffer from the cold." A worker says to his friend, "Now were not even allowed to do that."
Why are the two friends like the Twin Towers?
They fell apart.
Person: My left ear is ringing.
Friend: Then answer it!
Me to friend: I'm homeschooled.
Friend: If I was homeschooled, I'd kms.
Me: Oh, I already tried that.
"I really hate cats," my friend replied with, "You gotta be kitten me!"
Me: My grandpa killed 100 nazis in WWII.
My Friend: Well my grandpa killed Hitler.
Me: *Realizes*
I used to think that I had a Japanese friend, but it was just my imagi-asian.
Friends are like bananas. If you peel their skin off and eat them, they die.
What do you call a 5th grader with no friends?
Sandy Hook survivor.
I have a friend of mine from school. I always see them with bangs, so I never knew what their forehead looked like until one day they came... Their forehead was bigger than Mount Everest, that you can make an entire Olympics mountain climbing audition on that forehead! :)
It’s the World Cup Final, and a man makes his way to his seat right next to the pitch. He sits down, noticing that the seat next to him is empty. He leans over and asks his neighbor if someone will be sitting there. “No,” says the neighbor. “The seat is empty.” “This is incredible,” said the man. “Who in their right mind would have a seat like this for the Final and not use it?” The neighbor says, “Well, actually the seat belongs to me. I was supposed to come with my wife, but she passed away. This is the first World Cup Final we haven’t been to together since we got married.” “Oh, I’m so sorry to hear that. That’s terrible... But couldn’t you find someone else, a friend, relative or even a neighbor to take her seat?” The man shakes his head. “No,” he says. “They’re all at the funeral.”
Kenneth's hairline [is] friends with Moses.
I wish I didn't have depression because all my friends have "BBC Bitch be crazy" disease.
Did you know that "girlfriend" at the end, it starts with "end." So does "boyfriend," and "friend" have "end" at the end of it, but "family" at the end it "ily" I love you.
My friend is an emo. I asked why he wears black. He said, "Black like my soul." I just walked away.
I invited my friend with a vasectomy to a party.
Unfortunately, he couldn't come.
I have a friend whose birthday is on September 11th.
They're going to have an explosive party that will definitely blow you away!
It's gonna be the bomb, and a blast, too!
I visited my friend at his new house. He told me to make myself at home.
So I threw him out. I hate having visitors.
My girlfriend died in Tokyo during a tsunami. I was sad, but my friend told me, "Don't worry, there are plenty more in the ocean."
Ur mom, ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!
I have no friends :'(