Friend Jokes

Clarie: I don't even care if it was a joke he made on me, you and Karlen, and if you think I'm getting over it, then you must have an oatmeal for a brain.

Jordan: Clarie ... you are so sensitive when she tells a little joke about you, me, and Karlen.

Clarie: It was painful!

Jordan: Who cares? I laughed. Ben is not a bad person, okay, calm down.

Clarie: Ben is a bad person. We are making friends with a bully/thug, but you say that he is not a "bad person", my mom is going to kill me if she finds out that I am hanging out with those kinds of people!

Jordan: Then don't tell her! Listen, I need you, give Ben a chance! Please?

Clarie: Shush, Karlen is coming!

Karlen: Hey guys, that Ben guy for sure has a way of saying words, I wish I could hurt him!!

When my mom asks, "If your friend pays you to jump off a bridge, would you do it?" I say, "No, Mom... I'd do it for free!"

Guys, I am Aly's friend, Ava. Come over here.

A Spanish magician is trying the disappearing trick. He counts "Uno, dos..." and leaves no trace.

I don't know, my friend did it.

Riley....I...I think I wanna be more than friends.

Are you my friend?

Because I would make you more than that.

Me: Hey, do you wanna hear a joke?

Friend: Sure.

Me: Why don't churches have WiFi?

Friend: Why?

Me: They can't compete with an invisible force that actually works.

To anyone who wants to be my friend:

Hello.

Does anyone wanna be my friend? Please if ya' do reply to my: "Hello." In the chat. Tysm. Have a greaat day!

Alex <3

Freshfry, my friend, please talk to me!

To Tina: Hi, love, you're my oldest and dearest friend. I will love you for as long as I live. I luvv you so much, my sweetest, dearest darling.

Hi my sweet friends! This is for everyone who needs help right now :)

A necrophiliac woman goes over to her friend's house after hooking up.

"Was it hung?" her friend asks.

"No, he was shot."

Hi, people. I really need a friend. Can someone please be my friend? Say in comments if you will.

To Mr. Nice Guy, you are nice, sweet, and caring! I am so grateful to be your friend!

My friend asked me if bees can fly in the rain. I replied, "Not without their yellow jackets!"

I played catch with my friends, but they keep going to sleep when I throw it.

Me: Knock knock.

Friend: Who's there?

Me: Impatient feminist.

Friend: Impati--

Me: Why don't we have equal pay YETTTTTTT?

In response to a buddy saying they joined a golf club:

"Jfc, you’ve gone softer than your old man’s dick after your mom suggests a romantic night in! I swear to God you’re so fucking bougie."

(Pause)

"Oh, I forgot to tell you, while you were gone I got a weird call for you... Some Jeff guy? Said something about a loan..."

"Jeff who?"

"Bezos."

"Gwen, I want my boyfriend back!"

You find some dust on the ground. Your friends dare you to snort it... Then you realize you're in a crematorium.