Friend jokes

A necrophiliac woman goes over to her friend's house after hooking up.

"Was it hung?" her friend asks.

"No, he was shot."

Hi, people. I really need a friend. Can someone please be my friend? Say in comments if you will.

To Mr. Nice Guy, you are nice, sweet, and caring! I am so grateful to be your friend!

My friend asked me if bees can fly in the rain. I replied, "Not without their yellow jackets!"

I played catch with my friends, but they keep going to sleep when I throw it.

Me: Knock knock.

Friend: Who's there?

Me: Impatient feminist.

Friend: Impati--

Me: Why don't we have equal pay YETTTTTTT?

In response to a buddy saying they joined a golf club:

"Jfc, you’ve gone softer than your old man’s dick after your mom suggests a romantic night in! I swear to God you’re so fucking bougie."

(Pause)

"Oh, I forgot to tell you, while you were gone I got a weird call for you... Some Jeff guy? Said something about a loan..."

"Jeff who?"

"Bezos."

"Gwen, I want my boyfriend back!"

You find some dust on the ground. Your friends dare you to snort it... Then you realize you're in a crematorium.

Welcome to the Friend Zone! It’s lonely here.

Hey guys, how was your day?

If you ask me the same question, here's the answer: depressing.

I still haven't made any friends on this app. All I do is read and comment on old jokes or opinions.

A friend of mine used to be morbidly obese, but after lots of exercise and hard work... We were able to lift his coffin.

My friend, what's up?

Me: What's up in space is planets and stars.

The time I saw you and you asked me to be your friend.

Me: "Yeah... no. You're too ugly. Even your parents never loved you."

Kid: 😭

What is it that a 🤔 😳 👀 😕 physicality handicapped ♿ male prostitute can do on his own very well without getting any help from his male friends that are gay like himself?

Perform fellatio on a 👨 👨 👬 gay man.

Imagine when you are about to cry at the funeral, then your friend's phone rings.

Then he says, "I'll call you back, I'm still at the die."

My friend just got a new house. He told me to make myself at home, so I threw him out. I hate visitors.

Today was a bittersweet day...

Bad news is my friend was assaulted. Good news is I successfully sneak attacked someone!

I'm really bored. Can someone talk with me? None of my friends are responding to me :(

You can pick your friends and you can pick your 🤥 nose, but you can't pick your friends' noses 👃 👃 👃 👃 👃 👃 👃.

Does it 🚲 🚲 🚲 cycle now?