Friend jokes
Jack and Jill went up the hill so Jack could lick Jill’s candy, but Jack had a shock with a mouth full of cock cause Jill’s real name was Randy.
With a tight cheeked fanny and shlong expandy, Jack’s face turned uncanny. Off he ranny to tell granny his best friend was a tranny.
So I went to my friend's house and he told me to make myself at home, so I kicked him out. I don't like visitors.
Hey guys, so we have a friend group and we need followers and people! So far it's me and Royal. If you want to join just comment why and you're in unless people have reasons to not want you!
Why is a gun like a box of chocolates?
If you pull one out in class, everyone wants to be your friend.
Me as a 5-year-old: How do you relate to the Twin Towers?
Friend: What?
Me: Every time I think of them, I feel sad.
Give a like if I have no friends.
Me: Hey, do you want to see my grandma?
Friend: Yeah, sure.
Me: *pulls out gun*
Person: My left ear is ringing.
Friend: Then answer it!
My friend: "Hey, I see a dwarf!"
Me: "Where?"
Friend: "In front of me."
Why should you be friends with emos? Because you get to scan their bar code for 20% off, and when it expires, they get rid of themselves.
My friend told me to make more friends, so I joined a suicide cult.
I’ll be hanging with them for a while.
My crush's best friend came up to me and called me my crush's dog 🐕, so then I say, "Wow, you're an ass for calling me a bitch." He then looks at me wide-eyed, and I just walk away.
I have a friend of mine from school. I always see them with bangs, so I never knew what their forehead looked like until one day they came... Their forehead was bigger than Mount Everest, that you can make an entire Olympics mountain climbing audition on that forehead! :)
Two friends were hanging out with each other next to a tree.
Too bad only one was standing. :)
Why aren't emos and trees friends? Because the tree leaves them hanging.
Where's my sister's friend? Oh, I forgot, we are in Alabama.
Me at the Oscars when I see Jada Pinkett Smith, I said: "G.I. Jane 2, more like G.I. Jada 2, can't wait to see it."
So Will Smith is laughing and then suddenly, Will Smith walks up to me and punches me in the face.
Me: "Ow, oh, wow. Will Smith just smacked the shit out of me.” My nigga Smith goes: "KEEP MY WIFE'S NAME OUT OF YOUR FUCKING MOUTH!" Me: "Maybe you should focus on keeping her friends out of hers."
Why did the alarm go off when the emo and his friends left the store when they checked everything out?
The emo forgot to roll his sleeves up.
Why should you always be friends with an emo kid?
They always hang around.
My friend asked me why I haven’t had milk in six years.
I told him my dad never came back with it.