Me: What is the difference between your mom and a mosquito?
Friend: Let me guess, they both suck you.
Me: Can I get your mom's number?
Friend: Here you go:
Me: Ohh, strange, I already had it.
Why can't orphans go to a friend's house.Because they can't make themselves at home
Friend: “What's that on your arm?”
Me: “Oh, nothing. Just decided I wanted to cosplay a tiger.”
The other day, me and my friend were at the shops buying crafts. I was wearing a black top; she was wearing a stripy top. We were arguing about who was more creative when she asked me to prove that I am. I just said, "You buy your stripes, I make mine."
Jack and Jill went up the hill so Jack could lick Jill’s candy, but Jack had a shock with a mouth full of cock cause Jill’s real name was Randy.
With a tight cheeked fanny and shlong expandy, Jack’s face turned uncanny. Off he ranny to tell granny his best friend was a tranny.
So I went to my friend's house and he told me to make myself at home, so I kicked him out. I don't like visitors.
Hey guys, so we have a friend group and we need followers and people! So far it's me and Royal. If you want to join just comment why and you're in unless people have reasons to not want you!
Why is a gun like a box of chocolates?
If you pull one out in class, everyone wants to be your friend.
Me as a 5-year-old: How do you relate to the Twin Towers?
Friend: What?
Me: Every time I think of them, I feel sad.
Give a like if I have no friends.
Me: Hey, do you want to see my grandma?
Friend: Yeah, sure.
Me: *pulls out gun*
Person: My left ear is ringing.
Friend: Then answer it!
My friend: "Hey, I see a dwarf!"
Me: "Where?"
Friend: "In front of me."
Why should you be friends with emos? Because you get to scan their bar code for 20% off, and when it expires, they get rid of themselves.
My friend told me to make more friends, so I joined a suicide cult.
I’ll be hanging with them for a while.
My crush's best friend came up to me and called me my crush's dog 🐕, so then I say, "Wow, you're an ass for calling me a bitch." He then looks at me wide-eyed, and I just walk away.
I have a friend of mine from school. I always see them with bangs, so I never knew what their forehead looked like until one day they came... Their forehead was bigger than Mount Everest, that you can make an entire Olympics mountain climbing audition on that forehead! :)
Two friends were hanging out with each other next to a tree.
Too bad only one was standing. :)
Why aren't emos and trees friends? Because the tree leaves them hanging.
