Food jokes
I started crying when dad was cutting onions.
Onions was such a good dog.
Why are orphans so skinny?
They never eat anything that is family size.
- I think you're EGGcellent.
+ Wow... You really CRACK ME UP with that joke. I think you're a EGGxtraordinary comedian.
- Really? Are you done yet?.
+ Are you kidding? I have a DOZEN of them.
One day, there were two muffins in an oven. One of the muffins said, "Man, it's hot in here." The other one said, "Oh my god! A talking muffin!!!"
The fattest knight at King Arthur's round table was Sir Cumeference. He acquired his size from too much pi.
Why is flour retarded?
Because it's in-bread.
I have no problem getting dates online. I’ve also had luck with almonds, cashews, and walnuts.
Underground Fruit Association of N&C (UGFA)?
We’re bananas!
How do you know if spaghetti is a boy or a girl? It's meatballs.
(There was a mommy tomato, a daddy tomato, and a baby tomato.)
Baby: Wait for me!
(Father tomato walks back toward the baby.)
(He squishes the child.)
Father: Ketchup!
Dude,
if you stab a cereal box, will that make you a cereal killer?
I went to a feminist picnic the other day.
It was great, apart from the fact no one made any sandwiches.
Orphans don't like family sized chips, I wonder why.
It turns out a major new study recently found that humans eat more bananas than monkeys. It's true.
I can't remember the last time I ate a monkey.
What do you call a boy Panera Bread?
Panera Balls.
Come, my children, to the bread cult!
For some reason, when my mom eats hot dogs, she likes to lick and suck on it first. As a son, can anyone tell me why?
Why does an orphan use water for his cereal?
He is waiting for his dad with the milk.
Man: Cow milk is drinkable.
Other man: How do you know that?
Man: *smiles with milk all over mouth*
Other man: John...h-how do you know that!
What's the difference between a bridge and a burrito?
I can't jump off a burrito.