Food jokes
The fattest knight at King Arthur's round table was Sir Cumeference. He acquired his size from too much pi.
What's the difference between a chickpea and a lentil?
I've never had a lentil on my face.
What do you call a camel stranded in the desert of Arabia?
A Shawarmano Cameldo!
What are the basic ingredients when a cannibal makes a sandwich?
2 slices of Brad.
Why do vegans like to make their food look and taste like meat?
Same reason lesbians use strap-ons. They still like putting meat in their hole, but they don’t like where real meat comes from.
Memes
I feel bad for the guy in 9/11 who ordered a salami pizza. Instead, he just got a plane.
Times are hard at the moment for people on disability benefits. I’ve got a friend who’s a dwarf...
...and he’s struggling to put food on the table.
How much do 2000 pounds of Chinese noodles weigh? Won Ton.
I know an orphan named Zara, and he has never had homemade food.
What do you call a non-binary person that is lactose intolerant?
Non-buy dairy.
Asians love it when a British person says "Rice!"
Why don’t old people have sex?
When was the last time you tried pulling apart a grilled cheese that old?
I had a horse named Mayo, and sometimes Mayonnaise.
What do sex and food have in common?
Grandma makes both better.
Why can't Asians play baseball?
Because they ate all the bats!
My sis told me that onions are the only food that can make you cry...
So I threw a coconut at her.
Asians love it when a British person says "Race!"
Someone: PLEASE EAT! I DON'T WANT YOU TO DIE!
Me: *Trying to remember how long it would take me to die of starvation because I've already googled it and given up because it takes too long.*
Me: Na, yeah, I still have 19 days left.
What type of flour do orphans use?
- Self-raising.
What is the difference between an orphan and cotton candy?
Answer: The cotton candy gets picked.