Food jokes

Why don't feminists like to eat hotdogs? Because they remind them of men's dicks.

joe: Are your mom and dad nice?

zozo: Well, they were until I murdered them over a bottle of Pringles.

joe: Oh, so you are an orphan and a murderer.

What is the definition of African-American Vienna sausages?

cocks of African-American men

I started crying when dad was cutting onions.

Onions was such a good dog.

Three guys are on a plane: one is Asian, one is Mexican, and the other is an American. The pilot says, "There is too much weight on the plane, you all need to throw something off." So the Mexican threw out a burrito and said, "I have plenty of these where I come from." Then the Asian threw out some rice and said, "I have plenty of these in my country." The American threw out a bomb and said, "I have a lot of these in my country."

The plane crashes anyway, and the three men start to walk away from the crash. As they were walking, they found a boy crying. They asked him what was wrong, and he said, "A ton of burritos fell out of the sky and got me all messy." The men started walking away and soon enough they found another boy crying. They asked him what was wrong, and he said, "A ton of rice fell out of the sky and shredded all my clothes." The guys knew who did it but avoided the trouble. They kept on walking and found a kid laughing so hard he was on the ground, and they asked what had been so funny. The boy said, "MY GRANDPA FARTED AND THE HOUSE BLEW UP!!!"

Every culture has weird food.

Australians eat vegemite. The British eat haggis. The French eat snails. The Chinese eat dogs. The Americans eat their young siblings' private parts.

The fattest knight at King Arthur's round table was Sir Cumeference. He acquired his size from too much pi.

One day, there were two muffins in an oven. One of the muffins said, "Man, it's hot in here." The other one said, "Oh my god! A talking muffin!!!"

Two cannibals have just captured a man and are about to eat him, so they cook him and lay him on a table. The first cannibal says, "You start at the bottom, I start at the top," so they both chow down.

About half an hour later, the second cannibal says, "I'm having a ball!" Then the first cannibal says, "Then you're eating too fast!"

Why do orphans use water for cereal? Cause their dad never came back with the milk.

Man: Cow milk is drinkable.

Other man: How do you know that?

Man: *smiles with milk all over mouth*

Other man: John...h-how do you know that!

Why does an orphan use water for his cereal?

He is waiting for his dad with the milk.

It turns out a major new study recently found that humans eat more bananas than monkeys. It's true.

I can't remember the last time I ate a monkey.

What does an apple and suicidal person have in common?

They're both hanging from a tree.

Life is like a box of chocolates. It doesn’t last long for fat people.

Why can't emos work at a restaurant? Because they cut too much.

I hope your cookie is too big to fit in your glass of milk.

Butter believe it.

Why did the chicken cross the road? Because he wanted to go to KFC.

How was the slice of cheese 🧀 doing in the kitchen?

Cheddar!