Every culture has weird food.
Australians eat vegemite. The British eat haggis. The French eat snails. The Chinese eat dogs. The Americans eat their young siblings' private parts.
Two cannibals have just captured a man and are about to eat him, so they cook him and lay him on a table. The first cannibal says, "You start at the bottom, I start at the top," so they both chow down.
About half an hour later, the second cannibal says, "I'm having a ball!" Then the first cannibal says, "Then you're eating too fast!"
Life is like a box of chocolates. It doesn’t last long for fat people.
I hope your cookie is too big to fit in your glass of milk.
Why can't emos work at a restaurant? Because they cut too much.
Do you like pudding? Pudding deez nuts in your mouth!
I wanted another piece of pizza... but she said I could only have One Piece.
What is a ghost's favorite cake?
I scream cake!
I don't like marriage. It's just like soup, as soon as you're done spooning it, it all cools off.
Wanna hear a joke about corn?
Never mind, it's too corny.
What’s something you can say in a grocery store and in bed?
"Thanks for coming."
I had a horse named Mayo, and sometimes Mayonnaise.
Someone: PLEASE EAT! I DON'T WANT YOU TO DIE!
Me: *Trying to remember how long it would take me to die of starvation because I've already googled it and given up because it takes too long.*
Me: Na, yeah, I still have 19 days left.
Yo momma is so ugly, she made my Happy Meal cry.
What are the basic ingredients when a cannibal makes a sandwich?
2 slices of Brad.
How much do 2000 pounds of Chinese noodles weigh? Won Ton.
Why don’t old people have sex?
When was the last time you tried pulling apart a grilled cheese that old?
What is the difference between an orphan and cotton candy?
Answer: The cotton candy gets picked.
What do White Castle sliders and Michael Jackson have in common? They have their meat in tiny wet buns.
What type of flour do orphans use?
- Self-raising.
