Food jokes
A peanut and another peanut walk into a bar.
One was a salted peanut.
What do you call it when Red Sox can't pull out?
Boston cream pie.
What plate do you need to eat in a car? A license plate!
Aha, tomato macaroni is bad, hahaha.
(I don't even know what on earth I put here, but okay.)
Wiener.
At a party, a young wife admonished her husband, “That’s the fourth time you’ve gone back for ice cream and cake. Doesn’t it embarrass you?”
“Why should it?” answered her spouse. “I keep telling them it’s for you.”
What do you call a cow who's personality is down to Earth?
Ground beef.
What do you call a sleeping cow?
Ground beef.
That's caketasic!
You may have a footlong, but I have a SHENLONG. :)
I like...
Wendy's.
"Wendeez nuts in your mouth."
What do emo kids and apples have in common?
They both hang off trees.
What did the cupcake tell its frosting?
I’d be muffin without you.
Stephen Hawking is to wheelchairs like Uncle Ben is to rice.
What does a pizza and a Mexican have in common?
One can feed a family.
What’s Stephen Hawking’s favorite food?
His left shoulder.
If you were a fruit, you would be a fineapple.
If you were a vegetable, I would visit you in the hospital.
How come Mr. Squirrel watches porn sometimes?
Sometimes he feels like a nut, sometimes he don't.
If boys are like sports because they are easy to play, then girls are like a sandwich. They are nice at first, but they're crusty after.
The best part of working at an orphanage is you can give them family-size chips.