Food jokes
If your dad didn't bring the milk, what are you dipping your cookies in?
Mama milky?
Why did McDonald’s kill somebody because they stole the 12-piece nuggets that will never be seen because of them!
What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef.
What do you call a dog with no legs? No point in calling, he won't come anyway :(
What’s a nut’s favorite scary movie?
The Creature from the Black Legume.
Memes
Don't squint your eyes
Why didn’t the pecan go to the ballet?
It was afraid of the nutcracker.
What eats nuts and bolts? A squirrel that’s running late!
Did you hear the one about the pecan, the walnut, and the cashew?
It was nut funny.
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Cash.
Cash who?
No thanks, I prefer walnuts!
What do you call a nut stuck to a wall?
A walnut.
What did the guest say when he arrived at the peanut butter's dinner party?
“Nice spread!”
What sandwich spread makes people itch?
Flea-nut butter.
What happens if a cashew falls down your shirt?
It becomes a chestnut.
What did the peanut say to the cashew after their argument?
What did the peanut say to the cashew after their argument?
I'mma cashew outside!
Who answers the door at the peanut mansion?
The peanut butler.
What's the difference between orphans and apples? Apples get picked.
What did the tomato say to the tomato ketchup?
"HEY THAT’S MY MILK!"
One day, a lady and her husband were talking and it was time for dinner. He got up and sat at the dining room table, and the lady brought the plate of food in and she sat it down in front of him. "What's this?" he said. The lady said, "A piece of shit...honey! Want some water to drink?"