Food jokes
The only thing running in THIS family’s your big ass mouth! Oh, I’d better shut up, or Big Bertha’s gonna confuse my head for a burger!
Why can't people eat pizza? Because they will be unavailable.
Knock knock.
Who’s there?
Broccoli.
Broccoli who?
Broccoli hasn’t got a surname!
Knock knock.
Who’s there?
Cabbage.
Cabbage who?
Cabbage doesn’t have a last name.
I have returned. Anyways, what do you call it when you're actually in Panera Bread, being in Panera Bread?
Why did the rooster go to the train station to get the pizza?
Some guy: making a sandwich.
Me: *rages* to put the ham in!
What did the bread photographer say to the toast? Say, "Toasted cheese!"
What's the hardest part about eating a vegetable?
Putting her back in the wheelchair when you're done.
Your mum is so fat that she took a spoon to the supercool.
Confusion life question!!!
* Can you cry underwater? * Do fishes ever get thirsty? * Why don't birds fall out the tree when they sleep? * Why is a building called that when it's already built? * When they say dog food is new and improved, who tastes it?
Why don't humans eat raw meat? Because they use technology to cry about raw meat is good. Go and leave, bro, I'm going to eat sushi.
Why didn’t the pecan go to the ballet?
It was afraid of the nutcracker.
Did you hear the one about the pecan, the walnut, and the cashew?
It was nut funny.
What do you call a nut stuck to a wall?
A walnut.
What did the guest say when he arrived at the peanut butter's dinner party?
“Nice spread!”
What sandwich spread makes people itch?
Flea-nut butter.
What happens if a cashew falls down your shirt?
It becomes a chestnut.
What's the difference between a school shooting pistol and a baked potato? The physical composition, of course, but they both pack the same heat.
What’s a nut’s favorite scary movie?
The Creature from the Black Legume.