Food jokes
What's the difference between a human and a potato? There is none, you can eat both.
Making a comforting breakfast.
But you have a knife.
Why was the cookie angry? Because someone ate the chips!
Fat bully. That was just the starter, now do you want the main course?
Me: I don't think I want that because you already ate it.
My mom was telling me about different pastas. So many pastabilities!
What do you call a legless cow?
Handicapped and stupid and monke and food.
What flour do you buy an orphan?
Self-raising flour.
Your mum eats cabbage.
What is the difference between an apple and an orphan?
The apple always gets picked.
Why do most orphans cook for themselves?
They don't have a home cook.
Orphans have tasted all cookies except for homemade ones.
If I had a dime for everytime the Australian president shat himself in a McDonald's, I would have one dime, which is not a lot, but it's weird that it happened.
What do chicken on a plancha and emos have in common?
They both are hung.
What does Stephen Hawking put his food in? A microwave.
What dessert do you get on September 11th?
An ice cream flight!
If my mom decides to get Chick-fil-A for dinner, and when I decide to eat my family for dinner, is that called cannibalism?
What do you call someone who’s afraid of breaststroke? Chicken breast.
Why were the Twin Towers so mad?
Because they ordered pepperoni, but instead they got plain!
What did the neutron say to the atom?
"Sandwiches, dude!"
What do you call Panera bread when it’s on top of someone?
Panera head.