Food jokes
What did the shark say after he ate the clownfish?
"This taste a little funny."
What type of flower does an orphan use?
Self-raising flour.
Oh, he needs some milk!
Your mom is so poor, she buys used food.
Why can’t orphans eat a big bag of chips?
They are family sized.
Why did the rapper open a bakery?
Because they wanted to bake some BEATS.
What is the difference between a puppy and a fork?
I don’t microwave forks.
My friend asked for something dark and creamy. I said..... "GU KHA".
What starts with a "v" and ends with a "k"? A veggie Karen.
"You can drink drinks, but you can't food foods."
-Sun Tzu, The Art Of Food
What do you call a cow with no legs?
Ground beef.
What do you call a cow with two legs?
Lean beef.
Two of the worst jokes ever.
Three guys are on a plane: one is Asian, one is Mexican, and the other is an American. The pilot says, "There is too much weight on the plane, you all need to throw something off." So the Mexican threw out a burrito and said, "I have plenty of these where I come from." Then the Asian threw out some rice and said, "I have plenty of these in my country." The American threw out a bomb and said, "I have a lot of these in my country."
The plane crashes anyway, and the three men start to walk away from the crash. As they were walking, they found a boy crying. They asked him what was wrong, and he said, "A ton of burritos fell out of the sky and got me all messy." The men started walking away and soon enough they found another boy crying. They asked him what was wrong, and he said, "A ton of rice fell out of the sky and shredded all my clothes." The guys knew who did it but avoided the trouble. They kept on walking and found a kid laughing so hard he was on the ground, and they asked what had been so funny. The boy said, "MY GRANDPA FARTED AND THE HOUSE BLEW UP!!!"
Why did the chef cook his eggs on the golf course? Because he wanted them par-boiled!
You know what they call pineapples in Paris?
I don't know, what?
Anus.
What do you call a bad "egg" meme?
Deep fried!
Why are cheetahs the best animals?
The cheetah is the fastest land animal in the world. They can reach a top speed of around 113 km per hour.
A cheetah can accelerate from 0 to 113 km in just a few seconds.
Cheetahs are extremely fast; however, they tire quickly and can only keep up their top speed for a few minutes before they are too tired to continue.
Cheetahs are smaller than other members of the big cat family, weighing only 45 – 60 kilograms.
One way to always recognize a cheetah is by the long, black lines which run from the inside of each eye to the mouth. These are usually called “tear lines,” and scientists believe they help protect the cheetah’s eyes from the harsh sun and help them to see long distances.
Cheetahs are the only big cat that cannot roar. They can purr though and usually purr most loudly when they are grooming or sitting near other cheetahs.
While lions and leopards usually do their hunting at night, cheetahs hunt for food during the day.
A cheetah has amazing eyesight during the day and can spot prey from 5 km away.
Cheetahs cannot climb trees and have poor night vision.
With their light body weight and blunt claws, cheetahs are not well designed to protect themselves or their prey. When a larger or more aggressive animal approaches a cheetah in the wild, it will give up its catch to avoid a fight.
Cheetahs only need to drink once every three to four days.
Why did the Indian cross the road?
To get to the curry shop.
What did the rapper say to the SANDWICH?
"Wrap it up!"
Q. What do you call a biracial kid in a vegetative state?
A. A mixed vegetable.
Yo mama so fat... she brought a spoon... to the SUPER BOOOOOOWL! YEAHHHHHHH!!!!!