Food jokes
Eggs
You crack me up!
How do you open a banana? Answer with a mon-key.
Why is there air conditioning at a hospital?
To keep the vegetables cool and fresh.
Yum!
What does Michael Jackson and tuna fish have in common?
They both come in small can.
Me after Taco Bell, "I’m about to blow this place up like September 11."
Memes
Me on a diet:
Did you hear about the Italian chef who died?
He pasta-way.
Why do orphans like milk so much?
Because they got no milk as a baby.
Q: Gaining weight is gonna be a piece of cake.
Why do orphans have dry cereal?
Because they're still waiting on the milk.
How do I feed the baby with my pants on?
A man walked into the kitchen and asked his blonde wife what she was doing. She said, "I'm trying to do this jigsaw puzzle. It's supposed to be a tiger, but all of the pieces are brown." Her husband then said, "Honey, those are frosted flakes."
What was the last pizza order at the World Trade Center?
Two large planes.
McDonald's :)
Why did the monster 🧟♀️ put the cook in a bowl?
He wanted a chef salad. 🥗😂
What’s the difference between Apple and orphans?
Apples actually get picked.
Is it okay to say "nice to meat you" to a vegan?
Why did the vegetable go to jail?
He kaled a man and stole a 9-carat gold bar.
How many babies does it take to make dinner?
Three to four; there's not a lot of meat on them.
1. Why did the scarecrow win an award? Because he was outstanding in his field.
2. Why did the melon jump into the lake? It wanted to be a water-melon.
3. What did the duck say when it bought lipstick? “Put it on my bill.”
4. What do you call a pig that does karate? A pork chop.
5. What has a bed that you can’t sleep in? A river.
6. Why were the teacher’s eyes crossed? She couldn’t control her pupils.
7. What starts with E, ends with E, and has only 1 letter in it? An Envelope.
8. How does the ocean say hello? It waves.
9. What lights up a soccer stadium? A soccer match.
10. What creature is smarter than a talking parrot? A spelling bee.
11. Which U.S. state has the smallest soft drinks? Minnesota (as in, “mini-soda”).
12. Why couldn’t the leopard play hide and seek? Because he was always spotted.
13. Apparently, you can’t use “beef stew” as a password. It’s not stroganoff.
14. Why did the drum take a nap? It was beat.
15. Where do hamburgers go dancing? They go to the meat-ball.
16. Why did the tomato turn red? It saw the salad dressing.
17. Why shouldn’t you write with a broken pencil? Because it’s pointless.
What do you call a pie made by an octopus? Octopie.