Food jokes
What's the worst part about microwaving vegetables?
Fitting the wheelchair in.
When I'm sad, I cut myself...A PIECE OF CAKE!
How do you open a banana? Answer with a mon-key.
What does Michael Jackson and tuna fish have in common?
They both come in small can.
Me after Taco Bell, "I’m about to blow this place up like September 11."
Why did the vegetable go to jail?
He kaled a man and stole a 9-carat gold bar.
Why do orphans like milk so much?
Because they got no milk as a baby.
Q: Gaining weight is gonna be a piece of cake.
Did you hear about the Italian chef who died?
He pasta-way.
Why do orphans have dry cereal?
Because they're still waiting on the milk.
What was the last pizza order at the World Trade Center?
Two large planes.
What’s the difference between Apple and orphans?
Apples actually get picked.
Eggs
You crack me up!
How do I feed the baby with my pants on?
A man walked into the kitchen and asked his blonde wife what she was doing. She said, "I'm trying to do this jigsaw puzzle. It's supposed to be a tiger, but all of the pieces are brown." Her husband then said, "Honey, those are frosted flakes."
Is it okay to say "nice to meat you" to a vegan?
Two cannibals were eating a clown when one looked at the other and asked, "Does this taste funny to you?"
Why is there air conditioning at a hospital?
To keep the vegetables cool and fresh.
Yum!
McDonald's :)
How many babies does it take to make dinner?
Three to four; there's not a lot of meat on them.