Food jokes
A Japanese, Hispanic, and Iraqi man are in a plane. The Japanese man drops a bowl off of it and shouts "I love my country!" Then the Hispanic man drops a burrito off the side and shouts, "I love my country!" Finally, the Iraqi man drops a bomb and shouts, "I love my country!"
Not much longer on, a man walks by a boy who is sitting by a crater laughing non-stop. And the man asks, "What's so funny?" And the boy says "When I farted, my house blew up!"
You work at Papa's Pizzeria, ok?
Boss: You're fired!
Me: Ok?
Worker: Why are you fired?
Me: Oh, you wanna know...
*shows him the oven with my pizza*
Me: I left my pizza in the oven, that bitch burnt as fuck!!
Worker: OH SHIT!!
Boss: Did you say pizza?
Me: I sure did!
*shows boss pizza in oven*
Me: This hoe black as fuck!
Boss: I fired you because I can't stop looking at your ass, not this why?
Little Johnny is walking around and peaks in his parents' room, catching them having sex, so he asks, “What are you guys doing?” and they reply “Nothing, nothing! We’re just uh, making cake,” and they send him away.
So he continues walking around and he hears some strange noises coming from his brother’s room, so he walks in and catches his brother and his brother’s girlfriend having sex and then asks him “What are you guys doing?” and his brother yells “Get out! We're making cake!”
So Johnny leaves and goes to his room. The next day the whole family is at the dinner table and Little Johnny turns to his sister and says “So, you and your boyfriend were making cake last night huh!” and she replies “OMG! How'd you know!?!?” and Johnny replies “Because, I licked the icing off the couch” ayyyyyy.
Yo mama's so fat, her blood type is Coca-Cola!
What's the difference between putting a baby and a pizza in an oven?
The pizza doesn't scream in the oven.
Chinese takeout $15.00, gas to get there $1.50. Getting home to find they've forgotten one of your dishes... rice-less!
What's thick and has ice in it when you take it out of a blender?
A baby smoothie.
What did the blind man say to his dog after eating dinner?
"Just ate a tasty steak!"
Why did John throw the butter out? Because John wanted to see the butterfly.
How do you eat a cake?
With a fork!
What's the worst part about microwaving vegetables?
Fitting the wheelchair in.
When I'm sad, I cut myself...A PIECE OF CAKE!
Why do orphans like milk so much?
Because they got no milk as a baby.
Q: Gaining weight is gonna be a piece of cake.
Did you hear about the Italian chef who died?
He pasta-way.
What does Michael Jackson and tuna fish have in common?
They both come in small can.
Me after Taco Bell, "I’m about to blow this place up like September 11."
McDonald's :)
A man walked into the kitchen and asked his blonde wife what she was doing. She said, "I'm trying to do this jigsaw puzzle. It's supposed to be a tiger, but all of the pieces are brown." Her husband then said, "Honey, those are frosted flakes."
How do I feed the baby with my pants on?