Food jokes
Why did the gum cross the road?
It was stuck to the chicken’s foot.
My mom told me that Africans don't have food, so I shipped my fat-ass brother.
What's the difference between a priest and McDonald's? They both stick their meat in 10-year-old buns.
What's wrong with airline food...! They're not black, and they're not people. hahahahahahhahahahahahhahahahhahahahXD!!!!!!!!! You're welcome?
Ur mom loves to eat logs, lmao.
When Stephen Hawking was feeling hungry, he used to call in to his local PC World for a megabyte and some microchips.
Why did the banana go to the doctor? Because it wasn't "peeling" well!
What did the purple grape say to the green grape? "Breathe, you idiot, breathe!"
Get it?
This gay guy was so happy with his new boyfriend that he took him to his favorite gay bar.
An hour or so goes by, then the new flame says, "I just LOVE this place, everyone is so nice, food is great, but what's up with the monkey way down there?"
His friend says "OK, watch this." He goes up behind the chimp and smacked him in back of its head. The monkey jumped off the stool, pulls down his zipper, and gives him head. When finished, the chimp took a napkin, cleaned himself, pulled up his zipper, then jumped back to his chair.
He walked back to his new gay friend and said, "What do you think of that?"
"MAN, I seen some amazing things, but never like that!" His squeeze said, "Wanna give it a try?"
"I sure do, JUST DON'T hit me as hard as you hit that monkey."
Where does a Muslim like to go and eat?
Allah's snackbar!
I cut my dick. It is all right now, and half the size but makes for excellent breakfast.
What do you call a cow that just gave birth?
Decalffeinated.
What do you call a fat Chinese person that talks way too much? Panda Express.
How do you properly eat a vegetable?
You tip over the wheelchair.
Guys, you need to ketchup with the time.
What’s the hardest part of a vegetable?
The wheel.
What did the cake say to the fork?
"Do you want a piece of me!!!"
A panda walks into a bar. He asked the bartender for a sandwich and then proceeds to shoot him, then leaves the bar. Later on, after asking witnesses, the police track down the panda and take him to the station. They question him and ask, “Why’d you do it?” The panda replied, “It’s what pandas do, look it up.” So they did, they went on Wikipedia, and there it was: Pandas eat shoots and leaves.
A piece of toast and a hard boiled egg walked into a bar. The bartender says, "Sorry, we don't serve breakfast here."
What do people often say in a cold Mexican kitchen?
Brrrrrrito!