Food jokes
What is the definition of kinky according to a Canadian?
Giving a blowjob to a man who is well-endowed while he is eating a tuna fish sandwich with maple syrup instead of mayonnaise.
Guy: Are you a vending machine? Because you're a snack.
Girl: Your card got declined.
Guy: That's ok, you got to bang them a few times to get you money's worth.
What did the customer ask when he went to the cannibal restaurant?
"Who's the special today?"
what is the fastest land animal? the last chicken in a Kenyan village.
What type of meat do priests eat on Good Friday? Nun.
I love bread so much that I might join a bread cult.
What does Aaron eat for breakfast? Food.
What did a tree say to the tomato?
Nothing! Trees don't talk, silly.
You telling me Julius Caesar, who has been dead for well over 50 years, made this salad?
Person 1: Goodness, when is Michael Jackson going to stop eating these white chocolate truffles? He is already making a goddamn mess on his bed eating a few of them.
Person 2: Well, he cannot resist the little white balls.
What's the worst part about microwaving vegetables?
Fitting the wheelchair in.
Yo hairline be looking like a chicken nugget, headass.
What is Beethoven's favorite fruit?
Banana na na.
A wife and husband had been on a strict diet, and the wife said, "You know, we've been good about our diet. Let's have a cheat night tonight." The wife came home with KFC and Wendy's. The husband came home with Sylvia from the office.
Let me tell you a joke about pizza!
Never mind...
It's too cheesy.
What's the difference between an orphan and an apple?
Apples are picked.
Waitress: You wanna box for your leftovers?
Me: No, but I'll arm wrestle you for the bill.
Knock knock.
Who's there?
Lemon.
Haha! Hahahah! Hahahaah!
If you wanna get fat, what's the quickest way to do it?
Eat two jars of mayo each day, and in about a month, your scale will have your phone number!
What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef.
What do you call a cow with three legs? Lean beef.
What do you call a cow with two legs? Read the title.