Food jokes
A man walked into the kitchen and asked his blonde wife what she was doing. She said, "I'm trying to do this jigsaw puzzle. It's supposed to be a tiger, but all of the pieces are brown." Her husband then said, "Honey, those are frosted flakes."
Why did the monster đ§ââď¸ put the cook in a bowl?
He wanted a chef salad. đĽđ
How do you open a banana? Answer with a mon-key.
Two cannibals were eating a clown when one looked at the other and asked, "Does this taste funny to you?"
Is it okay to say "nice to meat you" to a vegan?
Memes
Why is there air conditioning at a hospital?
To keep the vegetables cool and fresh.
Yum!
McDonald's :)
Eggs
You crack me up!
How do I feed the baby with my pants on?
Why did the vegetable go to jail?
He kaled a man and stole a 9-carat gold bar.
What's long and black, the line to KFC.
What does Michael Jackson and tuna fish have in common?
They both come in small can.
How many babies does it take to make dinner?
Three to four; there's not a lot of meat on them.
1. Why did the scarecrow win an award? Because he was outstanding in his field.
2. Why did the melon jump into the lake? It wanted to be a water-melon.
3. What did the duck say when it bought lipstick? âPut it on my bill.â
4. What do you call a pig that does karate? A pork chop.
5. What has a bed that you canât sleep in? A river.
6. Why were the teacherâs eyes crossed? She couldnât control her pupils.
7. What starts with E, ends with E, and has only 1 letter in it? An Envelope.
8. How does the ocean say hello? It waves.
9. What lights up a soccer stadium? A soccer match.
10. What creature is smarter than a talking parrot? A spelling bee.
11. Which U.S. state has the smallest soft drinks? Minnesota (as in, âmini-sodaâ).
12. Why couldnât the leopard play hide and seek? Because he was always spotted.
13. Apparently, you canât use âbeef stewâ as a password. Itâs not stroganoff.
14. Why did the drum take a nap? It was beat.
15. Where do hamburgers go dancing? They go to the meat-ball.
16. Why did the tomato turn red? It saw the salad dressing.
17. Why shouldnât you write with a broken pencil? Because itâs pointless.
Q: What's the hardest part about eating vegetables?
A: Putting them back in their wheelchair.
What do you call a pie made by an octopus? Octopie.
A blind man went to a restaurant.
"Menu sir?" asked the owner. "I'm blind, just bring me one of your dirty forks, I will smell it and order." The confused owner went to the kitchen to retrieve a fork and returned to the blind man.
The blind man smelled the fork with a deep breath, "Yes I will have the lamb with seasoned potatoes and spring vegetables." Unbelievable, thought the owner. The blind man ate and left. Two weeks later the blind man returned. The owner, wanting to know how good his smell is, quickly went to the kitchen where his wife Brenda was cooking and said, "Do me a favor and rub this fork over your private part" which she did. He then goes to the blind man and gives him the fork. The blind man takes it and puts it to his nose and says, "Oh interesting! I never knew Brenda works here!"
There was once a young sister who never got anything good for her birthday, and she was sick of it. So one day the girl asked for a puppy, and the parents said yes.
When she got the puppy, he was nice, but the puppy needed food every two minutes. The parents eventually got sick of it and came up with a plan. Two weeks passed and the younger and less fat sister asked where her other sister was as she wanted to play Barbies. âAnd also, why havenât you been feeding the dog? He needs food, you know.â The parents only answered with âOh! Yes, you can have a room all to yourself now. And about the puppy...he wonât need feeding for years.â
Three strangers have opened a gay chat; but if one left the chat, the chat would be closed.
Stranger 3: How to turn a straight guy into a gay guy?
Stranger 1: You can't!
Stranger 2: You can.
Stranger 3: How?
Stranger 2: By using the same idea of the Russian experiment; like in a detention, put him in a closed room full of gay stuff, but the difference is that he can sleep, and he will have food for 30 days and a toilet, too.
Stranger 3: Great idea, but who can we try first?
Stranger 1: You all gays are evil monsters.
Stranger 2: I think the stranger 1 is just a straight spy. Let's try this experi-
(The chat has been closed by stranger 1)
What's red and white and lives in a blender?
A baby.