Food jokes
What did Jim say to Jeff?
"I killed your ham."
The bakery where I work is being robbed. I said to the people, "I am calling the police." Then I realized they did not come for the money; they came for the bread. Huh, go figure!
What does an emo kid and an apple have in common?
They both are hanging.
What's thick, long, hard, and has cum in it?
Cucumber. Lol. I love the way you think.
What's the difference between an apple and an orphan?
The apple gets picked.
What did one nut say to the other nut?
A: "Candice deez nuts fit in my mouth."
The next time you get a sack call, pick up the phone and say, "Welcome to Pete's pizzeria and abortion clinic. Your loss is next week's sauce. How may we help you?"
What do you call a chicken with no legs? Ground chicken 🤣💀🐔 Get WRAY'DDDDD!
I named my dog Chicken.
I love eating chicken.
I told my mom, "Do you want to see a magic trick?" She said yes. I said, "You are going to have a hot dog and cream pie together." My mom said, "No, I'm not," but I told my mom, "I'm going to need your assistance." First, I need you to lick and suck on my hot dog that is attached to me, which she did. The next minute my mom has a cream pie over her face. Then I told my mom, "You see, you are going to have a hot dog and cream pie together." Then my mom said, "When you are right, you are right."
What's an edible part of a wheelchair?
A vegetable!
Why am I gay?
Because I like mushrooms.
Why did the cow lick your mum?
Because she had a cream pie.
This gay guy was so happy with his new boyfriend that he took him to his favorite gay bar.
An hour or so goes by, then the new flame says, "I just LOVE this place, everyone is so nice, food is great, but what's up with the monkey way down there?"
His friend says "OK, watch this." He goes up behind the chimp and smacked him in back of its head. The monkey jumped off the stool, pulls down his zipper, and gives him head. When finished, the chimp took a napkin, cleaned himself, pulled up his zipper, then jumped back to his chair.
He walked back to his new gay friend and said, "What do you think of that?"
"MAN, I seen some amazing things, but never like that!" His squeeze said, "Wanna give it a try?"
"I sure do, JUST DON'T hit me as hard as you hit that monkey."
What is Stephen Hawking's favorite lunch? Eggs and shoulders.
What's Asian but has broken up with its girlfriend?
A dumpling.
Roses are red. I love hot food. If I was a bad bitch, I'd wanna fuck me too.
Oh wait, I am.
I didn’t know if she was anorexic or not, so I tossed her an onion ring to see if she would eat it or use it as a hula hoop.
What's the difference between a dead baby and a slice of pizza?
A dead baby can't feed a family.
What do gay men like to suck each other's bananas because they like the ice cream filling?