Food jokes
What is Stephen Hawking's favorite lunch? Eggs and shoulders.
What's Asian but has broken up with its girlfriend?
A dumpling.
I didn’t know if she was anorexic or not, so I tossed her an onion ring to see if she would eat it or use it as a hula hoop.
What do you get when you cross a deer and a pickle?
A dildo.
What do gay men like to suck each other's bananas because they like the ice cream filling?
Memes
What's the difference between a dead baby and a slice of pizza?
A dead baby can't feed a family.
Roses are red. I love hot food. If I was a bad bitch, I'd wanna fuck me too.
Oh wait, I am.
Why did George Clooney like egg jokes?
Because he had good taste.
A Japanese, Hispanic, and Iraqi man are in a plane. The Japanese man drops a bowl off of it and shouts "I love my country!" Then the Hispanic man drops a burrito off the side and shouts, "I love my country!" Finally, the Iraqi man drops a bomb and shouts, "I love my country!"
Not much longer on, a man walks by a boy who is sitting by a crater laughing non-stop. And the man asks, "What's so funny?" And the boy says "When I farted, my house blew up!"
You work at Papa's Pizzeria, ok?
Boss: You're fired!
Me: Ok?
Worker: Why are you fired?
Me: Oh, you wanna know...
*shows him the oven with my pizza*
Me: I left my pizza in the oven, that bitch burnt as fuck!!
Worker: OH SHIT!!
Boss: Did you say pizza?
Me: I sure did!
*shows boss pizza in oven*
Me: This hoe black as fuck!
Boss: I fired you because I can't stop looking at your ass, not this why?
Yo mama's so fat, her blood type is Coca-Cola!
What's the difference between putting a baby and a pizza in an oven?
The pizza doesn't scream in the oven.
Chinese takeout $15.00, gas to get there $1.50. Getting home to find they've forgotten one of your dishes... rice-less!
What's thick and has ice in it when you take it out of a blender?
A baby smoothie.
What's the worst part about microwaving vegetables?
Fitting the wheelchair in.
What did the blind man say to his dog after eating dinner?
"Just ate a tasty steak!"
How do you eat a cake?
With a fork!
Why did John throw the butter out? Because John wanted to see the butterfly.
When I'm sad, I cut myself...A PIECE OF CAKE!
Two cannibals were eating a clown when one looked at the other and asked, "Does this taste funny to you?"