Food jokes
Why did George Clooney like egg jokes?
Because he had good taste.
A Japanese, Hispanic, and Iraqi man are in a plane. The Japanese man drops a bowl off of it and shouts "I love my country!" Then the Hispanic man drops a burrito off the side and shouts, "I love my country!" Finally, the Iraqi man drops a bomb and shouts, "I love my country!"
Not much longer on, a man walks by a boy who is sitting by a crater laughing non-stop. And the man asks, "What's so funny?" And the boy says "When I farted, my house blew up!"
You work at Papa's Pizzeria, ok?
Boss: You're fired!
Me: Ok?
Worker: Why are you fired?
Me: Oh, you wanna know...
*shows him the oven with my pizza*
Me: I left my pizza in the oven, that bitch burnt as fuck!!
Worker: OH SHIT!!
Boss: Did you say pizza?
Me: I sure did!
*shows boss pizza in oven*
Me: This hoe black as fuck!
Boss: I fired you because I can't stop looking at your ass, not this why?
Yo mama's so fat, her blood type is Coca-Cola!
What's the difference between putting a baby and a pizza in an oven?
The pizza doesn't scream in the oven.
Memes
I like mine's extra cheesy!
Chinese takeout $15.00, gas to get there $1.50. Getting home to find they've forgotten one of your dishes... rice-less!
What's thick and has ice in it when you take it out of a blender?
A baby smoothie.
What's the worst part about microwaving vegetables?
Fitting the wheelchair in.
What did the blind man say to his dog after eating dinner?
"Just ate a tasty steak!"
How do you eat a cake?
With a fork!
Why did John throw the butter out? Because John wanted to see the butterfly.
When I'm sad, I cut myself...A PIECE OF CAKE!
What's an edible part of a wheelchair?
A vegetable!
Two cannibals were eating a clown when one looked at the other and asked, "Does this taste funny to you?"
Eggs
You crack me up!
How do you open a banana? Answer with a mon-key.
Why is there air conditioning at a hospital?
To keep the vegetables cool and fresh.
Yum!
What does Michael Jackson and tuna fish have in common?
They both come in small can.
Me after Taco Bell, "Iām about to blow this place up like September 11."
Did you hear about the Italian chef who died?
He pasta-way.