A bear walks into a bar and asks the barkeep, "Can I have a grilled . . . cheese?"
The barkeep asks the bear, "What's with the big pause?" The bear says, "Well, I'm a bear."
Food Jokes
A kid asks for an ice cream. The man says, "Any sauce?" and the kid says, "Na, I got ketchup at home."
What is a vampire's favorite animal? A giraffe.
What is a vampire's favorite fruit? Neck-tarines.
Those two jokes are not funny at all!
What is the richest nut ever? A cash-ooo!
I forgot my lucky egg! It always gives me an eggcellent amount of luck!
What happened to the egg after it went on the rollercoaster?
It was scrambled.
How do you make a dead baby float?
Two scoops of ice cream, one scoop of dead baby!
What is the difference between a tree house for dinner, and dinner with you today after school?
Hi, this is John's Pizzeria and abortion clinic. Your loss is our sauce!
Dad, I'm hungry.
Hi, hungry, I'm Dad! 👋🍪🍩🍬🌮🍔🍗🍟🍤🍉🍭🍫🍰
What do you call a burger 🍔 with one eye?
A one giant.
Why did the kids love the mushrooms?
Because they're fun-guys!
I was watching TV with my brother, and a diabetes commercial came on saying, "I have type one diabetes, and I manage it well." My brother said, "You want a sugar cookie?"
What's the difference between a baby and a cooked chicken?
Several hundred calories.
What do Indian hip hop artists eat?
Rice rice baby.
Every time I come in the kitchen, my girl is in the kitchen in the damn refrigerator eating all the food, like the fried chicken, the mashed potatoes, the collard greens, mac and cheese, and the cornbread.
Then I said I wanna eat some of that shit. I love soul food. Then I told her, "You keep it up; your fat ass is going to be big like the house on Haunted Hill."
My cat sleeps about 20 hours a day. She has her food prepared for her. She can eat whenever she wants, 24/7/365. Her meals are provided at no cost to her. She visits the doctor once a year for her checkup, and again during the year if any medical needs arise. For this she pays nothing, and nothing is required of her.
She lives in a nice neighborhood in a house that is much larger than she needs, but she is not required to do any upkeep. If she makes a mess, someone else cleans it up. She has her choice of luxurious places to sleep. She receives these accommodations absolutely free. She is living like a queen, and has absolutely no expenses whatsoever. All of her costs are picked up by others who go out and earn a living every day.
I was just thinking about all this, and suddenly it hit me like a brick in the head, Holy Sh*t, my cat is a Democrat!
Josh Dalton once ate his shoulder.
I dreamed I was forced to eat a giant marshmallow, but when I woke up, my pillow was gone!
What is the one sauce Germans avoid on their steak?
"Ajous".
