Food jokes
Do you like Wendy’s?
Yeah, Wendy’s nuts finna go in your mouth!
Write a different joke of onions and a dead baby.
What's the difference between a Thanksgiving turkey and my kid?
I only stuff the turkey.
What happens when two pieces of bread from the same loaf have sex?
They become in-bread.
Don't see why people say that babysitting a toddler is hard. You just grease the bathtub, put them inside with some food and drink, and go do your business. I guarantee you that they will still be there when you return.
If you stay in the house, you might need to use sound cancelling headphones too, though.
Memes
1. What do you call a dinosaur that is sleeping?
A dino-snore!
2. What is fast, loud, and crunchy?
A rocket chip!
3. Why did the teddy bear say no to dessert?
Because she was stuffed!
4. What has ears but cannot hear?
A cornfield!
5. What did the left eye say to the right eye?
Between us, something smells!
What's the worst thing about eating a vegetable?
The wheelchair.
What do you call an anorexic bitch with a yeast infection?
Quarter pounder with cheese.
What's the chunkiest part of vegetable soup?
The wheelchair.
We should stop taking the piss out of Asian people. I mean, they already have enough on their plates... like cats and dogs.
A family of 3, a dad, a mom, and a 12 year old son are driving in the car when the dad says, “How about we play a little game of two truths and a lie? It’ll be fun.”
“Ok,” the mom and son reply happily.
“Let me start,” says the son.
“Ok, go ahead,” replies the mom.
“I hate video games, I hate school, and I love junk food,” says the son.
“Ooh ooh! You do love junk food, you do hate school, and you don’t hate video games,” says the mom.
“Your right!” He replies.
“I’ll go next,” says the dad. “I love your mom, you’re adopted, and my dad almost died in WWII.”
“Hmm... Your dad did not almost die in WWII, obviously I’m not adopted, and you do love my mom,” Says the son.
“The lie is the second on,” says the dad.
I bet you go grocery shopping at the Twinkie Factory.
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Lettuce.
Lettuce who?
Lettuce in and I'll tell ya.
What do you get when a dog that is actually a Weeto is caught in an earthquake?
Just like a chocolate milkshake, only crunchy!
Why do people eat food?
Coz it tastes good lol.
What’s the difference between an orphan and a sugar donut?
People want donuts.
Why do orphans love McDonald's?
Because the initials are like "mother" and "father."
What's the difference between an orphan and an orange?
One gets picked.
Why were the Twin Towers mad? Because they ordered three pepperoni pizzas and one came plain, the other came late, and the other one went to the wrong address.
What do you call a special ed class that’s flooded?
Vegetable soup.