Food jokes

What looks like peanut butter and jelly, and makes a woman scream?

Afterbirth.

Today I ate out my girlfriend... Jeffrey Dahmer style.

"Welcome to Mama Mia's pizzeria and abortion clinic, where last week's loss is this week's sauce."

I tried making vegetable soup yesterday, but I couldn’t fit the wheelchair in the pot.

What does a serial killer make for breakfast?

Scrambled legs and toes.

What does the cannibal eat who comes late for dinner?

The cold shoulder.

Only if onions were emo, they'd cut themselves.

What do gay horses eat?

Hay.

An chemist, a physicist, and a mathematician are stranded on an island when a can of food rolls ashore.

The chemist and the physicist come up with many ingenious ways to open the can. Then suddenly the mathematician gets a bright idea: "Assume we have a can opener..."

I'll never forget my boss's last words: "We shall serve the best meat in our burgers!"

The other day a man with some cheese and milk attacked me... how dairy!

Why did the African win the food eating contest?

Beginner's luck.

Why did everyone suggest that the cheetah eat all the pumpkins?

Because he cheated at everything!

What's the difference between roast beef and pea soup?

It's easy to roast beef.

I like my bread how I like my wife: cold and stiff.

What is black and white, black and white, black and white and green?

Three zebras fighting over a pickle.

Q: How did Burger King get Dairy Quinn pregnant?

A: He forgot to wrap his whopper 🍆🍔.

Women have eggs and milk in them...

And they say that they don't belong in the kitchen.

What is the difference between a gay person and a refrigerator?

The refrigerator doesn’t start moaning and groaning when you try to put the meat in.

Is it weird that a milk carton has a date, and I don’t?