Food jokes
How did you get Sally into a blender?
- Without much resistance.
How do you get Sally out of a blender?
- Tortilla chips.
Yo mama so old that her breastmilk was powdered. You breastfeed like this 🌬💨.
Why did the duck not enjoy his restaurant date?
Because he didn't want to see the bill.
What did the banana say to the peel?
“Let’s split!”
Are you a banana...
because I find you a-peeling!
A person laughs every day.
"Man," they say, "I'm glad I'm not an egg, otherwise I'd just CRACK MYseLf uP!"
I went to a restaurant that serves "breakfast any time," so I ordered French toast during the Renaissance.
— Steven Wright
What's a cannibal's favorite place?
A day care.
So in class, they were learning about where food comes from:
Teacher: So kids, where does bacon come from?
Student: PIGS!
Teacher: Correct. Where does mutton come from?
Student: SHEEP!
Teacher: And finally, here’s your homework.
Student: IK where that comes from!
A FAT COW! 😂😂
What do you call an abortion in a bathtub?
Chunky Tomato Soup.
Why did the plum put sugar under its pillow?
So it could have sweet dreams.
What's the difference between sand and food? Africans have plenty of sand.
A note for my old English Teacher:
Mr. Colin, who loves making a din, He thinks everyone loves him, but little does he know, That's not what everyone shows, About his life he ploughs and ploughs, About his dog Bella and his relationship woes... Mr. Colin, we do not care, When you speak, our minds are not there, Your life you have unnecessarily shared, When we see you, our eyesight is impaired... Mr. Colin, rumbling about his exceptions, Just when someone puts something in the bin, Or chatters to someone, not even causing a din, But Mr. Colin, drinking too much gin, Will flail all his annoying attention on him, He'll push his limits, right to the rim...
And just how I love flan! Oh, he's finally gone!
I live in China and we have no food. We have to eat Chinese food, so I called my dog over.
How do you fix a broken pizza? With tomato paste.
What do you call a baby kangaroo? Joey.
What do you call a 6 year old named Joey? Supper.
Why did the farmer eat a fork?
'Cause he's a dumbass.
Why is Mrs. Grapes 🍇 a good mother?
Because she loves raisin' kids.
Where do astronauts 👩🚀 keep their sandwiches 🥪?
In their launch box! 🚀📦😂
You smell like tap water and cornflakes.