Food jokes
Why did Leah throw the butter out of the window? To see a butterfly!
Like this post if you think pineapple belongs on pizza.
What’s the most artistic fruit?
Vincent mango.
What do you call a pig doing a karate chop?
What did the mama nut say to her son?
“If I ever cashew doing that, I walnut be happy.”
What did the cannibal get when he showed up to the party late?
A cold shoulder.
Mayonnaise marry me?
What is the difference between an apple and an orphan? Only the apple got picked up.
Why were the Twin Towers made on 9/11? They ordered pepperoni pizza but got plane.
What’s one thing you can say during a wedding and in bed?
I didn’t know we were having seafood tonight!
Johnny Johnny?
Yes pa pa.
Eating sugar?
Yes pa pa, I am eating sugar because it is the only thing I can reach and you have refused to feed me for the past 3 days. You smoke 2 packs of cigs a day and you're mad at me for eating a little sugar. Smoking? Telling lies? Yes pa pa, you do all of those things because you're a chronic addict.
An old lady walks into an ice cream store. A clerk greets her and says, "What will it be today, ma'am? We have every flavor you can imagine." The old lady says, "Well, I guess I'd like a quart of chocolate ice cream." The clerk says, "Sorry, ma'am, we're out of chocolate today. Any other flavor we'll have." "Ok," she replies, "Why don't you just give me a pint of chocolate ice cream?" The clerk says a little louder in case she's hard of hearing, "Sorry, ma'am, but we're fresh out of chocolate ice cream." The old lady says, "Oh, ok. Why don't you just get me a cone with one scoop of chocolate ice cream?"
Finally, totally exasperated, the clerk says, "Wait a minute, lady. Can you spell 'Van' as in vanilla?" "Why of course, young man," she says, "V-A-N." "Right," the clerk says, "Can you spell 'Straw' as in strawberry?" "Well of course, 'Straw'," she replied. "Ok, then," he says, "Now spell 'Fuck' as in chocolate." She says, "There's no 'Fuck' in chocolate." He says, "That's what I've been trying to tell you... THERE'S NO FUCKING CHOCOLATE!!!"
All Nepali love momos.
What cookie has an orphan never had?
Homemade.
Are you an egg, because you crack me up?
You must be ice cream because I wanna lick you up.
What do you do when your man doesn't like fruit jokes?
Let the mango.
Welcome to Morgan's Morgue and Pizzeria where yesterday's loss is today's sauce!
What’s Stephen Hawking’s favorite food?
His left shoulder.
I bought a horse and named him Mayo.
Sometimes Mayo neighs.