Food jokes
What do you call it when you choose Panera Bread over something else?
Panera instead.
What's the difference between you and an egg?
An egg gets laid.
I asked my mom if I can help her out with the cooking, she answered yes.
A few hours later, dinner was ready and dad came to join. Mother said, "Honey, can you get the mashed potatoes?" Dad said, "Why, she’s right here."
What does an 80-year-old woman taste like?
Depends.
Wanted to go to the zoo, it was too packed, so I went to KFC instead. Their monkey enclosure is better anyway.
Memes
Anyone want to eat me up? I'm in that kind of mood right now.
My friend says, "You should try Oreos with water."
Me: No, because my dad actually came back with the milf.
What does a hooker and butter have in common?
They both spread for bread.
Riddle me this, Batman, what's long, round, and has cum in the middle?
Batman: A dick.
Riddler: NO NO NOOO! It's a cucumber!
I'm Asian and there is a saying that dogs are man's best friends. They are my best friends because they keep me from starving.
Q) What’s the difference between a baby and a sweet potato?
A) About 400 calories.
If an Indian had powers, it would be throwing tika masala.
When ordering food at a new restaurant, my wife asked the waiter what they do to prepare their chicken.
“Nothing special,” he explained. “We just tell them they’re going to die.”
Your momma so ugly, when the Kool-Aid man burst in the door, he said, "Oh no!"
Why were the Twin Towers mad?
Because they ordered pepperoni and got plane. (Yes, it's "plain," shut.)
Son: Why don't cannibals eat clowns?
Dad: Don't know, why?
Son: Because they taste funny.
What is a vegetarian's favorite song?
No beef.
What is Michael Jordan's favorite coffee place? Dunkin' Donuts.
What’s the difference between cereal and a baby?
I personally think cereal is not nutritious.
What goes in hard but comes out soft?
Gum.