Food jokes
What did the grape say when he got squished? Nothing, he just let out a little wine.
Why was the DJ banned from the supermarket?
He was stealing all the samples.
What's the difference between a school shooting pistol and a baked potato? The physical composition, of course, but they both pack the same heat.
When you are being spoon-fed and your mum says, "Here comes the airplane."
There is this fish, and this fish thinks if that fly drops 6 inches, I’m gonna jump out the water and eat that fucking fish!
Then there is a bear, he thinks if that fly drops six inches, that fish jumps up - I’m gonna run out there and eat that fucking fish!
This huntsman also thinks to himself 🧐 if that fly drops six inches, fish jumps up, bear runs out, eats the fish. I’m gonna shoot that fucking bear.
Unbelievably there is a tiny little brave mouse, who also thinks to himself 🧐 if that fly drops six inches, fish jumps, bear runs, huntsman shoots,
He’s bound to drop that cheese sandwich in his back pocket!!!!
I’m gonna eat that fucking cheese sandwich!!
Meanwhile...
there’s This cat!!!’ He sees what’s going on - if they fly drops six inches -the fish =bear =huntsman =mouse eating the cheese sarnie....
Easy pickings...
Anyway bang 💥 the fly drops six inches. Fish jumps up. Bear grabs the fish. Huntsman shoots the fucking bear,
DROPS HIS CHEESE SARNIE!!
Cat runs after mouse trying to get the cheese sarnie
The cat slips over him (stacks it) cat falls in the river...
LONG STORY I KNOW BUT THE MORAL OF THE STORY IS...
every time a fly drops six inches a pussy get wet)
WALLOP... try remembering all that in A pub pissed. Xx
Why did the man say chickens were lucky?
Because they get killed and eaten.
What is big and long and hard?
A cucumber!
I love vegans because they save more meat for us.
What do you call a Panera Bread doctor?
A Panera med.
What's the difference between an apple and an orphan?
The apple gets picked.
What do rabbits eat for breakfast? IHOP.
What's the difference between an apple and an orphan?
The apple gets picked.
In America, you have Pop-Tarts. We in Germany here have Toastbrot.
Why did the rapper open a bakery?
To drop some SWEET BEATS!
What did the toaster say to the bread?
"I want you inside me!"
Man: Cow milk is drinkable.
Other man: How do you know that?
Man: *smiles with milk all over mouth*
Other man: John...h-how do you know that!
People are like bean burritos. You can eat them EVERY DAY, but you'll never run out.
What do you call a sexually attracted pizza who spoons another pizza?
A Topping.
Wood-fired pizza.
How would pizza get a job now?
What was the comment that Vice President Harris said in the United States Senate when a blue dog democrat in the United States Senate called Vice President Harris a bitch?
Kibbles 'N Bits!! Kibbles 'N Bits!! I is going to get me some Kibbles 'N Bits!!