Food jokes
When I become a parent, I’m gonna regurgitate my food to feed my children.
It’ll give me an excuse to make out with my daughter.
Din mor ligner en banan. ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)
What did Harry Houdini say when he did his famous vanishing act at a sushi place?
"Now sashimi, now you don't!"
What do you say when you see a pig making bread?
He's bacon.
What did one angry cow say to another?
We got some beef.
What’s the difference between fruit and dead babies?
I don’t put fruit in a blender.
The bakery where I work is being robbed. I said to the people, "I am calling the police." Then I realized they did not come for the money; they came for the bread. Huh, go figure!
What does a baby banana call her mum? Na na, get it? Instead of ma ma.
Fruit is like life. You slowly eat it away as it slowly also begins to rot like everyone I’ve known.
It turns out a major new study recently found that humans eat more bananas than monkeys.
It’s true. I can’t remember the last time I ate a monkey.
Q: What's red and screams?
A: A peeled baby in a bag of salt.
Question: Why don't cannibals eat clowns?
Answer: Because they taste funny!
I hope when I inevitably choke to death on gummy bears, people just say I was killed by bears and leave it at that.
Man, choking on sugar seems like the sweetest way to die.
I love it when candy canes are in mint condition.
What did the doctor say to the potato?
It told it it had tuberculosis.
Want to hear a pizza joke?
Never mind, it’s too cheesy.
Our teacher said for two kids to stare at a wall for no reason, so I said, "Hey wall, that ass flat like a pancake from McDonald's."
What cereal do I eat?
Captain Bolts.
Why is there no toilet paper at KFC?
Because it's finger lickin' good!