Food jokes
What cereal do I eat?
Captain Bolts.
Why is there no toilet paper at KFC?
Because it's finger lickin' good!
How do you get ten babies in a bowl?
A blender.
How do you get them out?
Doritos.
Why don't vegetarians moan during sex?
Because they don't want to admit that meat makes them happy.
I have a lot of eggcellent egg puns, get the yolk... Oh come on, don't be hard-boiled!
What do you call an anorexic bitch with a yeast infection?
Quarter pounder with cheese.
Guy 1: Why is my cat so angry?
Guy 2: Because she wants to eat your big sausage.
Guy 1: Don't you?
Guy 2: Yeah, it seems delicious.
Guy 1: Mmm, so... w-wait what are you doing? I didn't think you meant the one in my lunch :< Where are you leaving #_#
**Meow...**
Guy 1: Shut up, I will never feed you this sausage. It's not for you :< -_- </3
Why does the egg crack? Cos it's sad.
Three men are shipwrecked on a jungle island and taken prisoner by the residing cannibals. They are all told to walk into the jungle and come back with one piece of fruit. They go in and the first man comes out with a peach. He is instructed to shove it in his ass, and if he laughs, he will be killed. He tries and dies.
The second man comes back with a grape and is instructed to do the same. When the two meet at the pearly gates, the first man says, "I had a peach. They're fuzzy. You had a grape. What's your excuse?"
"Well, I was doing fine until I saw Jimmy come out of the brush with a pineapple."
Why did Jimmy drop his ice cream?
Because he was dead.
What is China's favorite restaurant?
The Pet Store.
There was a cannibal who had a wife and eight kids.
You look like a burger.
I am about to make a joke about cake. You butter believe it.
Why can't blondes make ice?
They forgot the recipe.
Why were the people during 9/11 mad? They ordered 2 sausage pizzas, but instead they got 2 plane pizzas.
What do orphans need in order to mail letters?
Food stamps.
What’s the most artistic fruit?
Vincent mango.
I like my bread how I like my wife: cold and stiff.
- I think you're EGGcellent.
+ Wow... You really CRACK ME UP with that joke. I think you're a EGGxtraordinary comedian.
- Really? Are you done yet?.
+ Are you kidding? I have a DOZEN of them.