"I'm sorry," the doctor says, "you have a rare and very contagious disease. We must quarantine you, and you'll only be fed cheese and bologna."
"Will that cure me?" the patient asks.
"Well, no," the doctor replies, "but it's the only food that will fit under the door."
Why do the French eat snails?
They don't like fast food.
What is the difference between butter and a blonde? - Butter is difficult to spread.
An chemist, a physicist, and a mathematician are stranded on an island when a can of food rolls ashore.
The chemist and the physicist come up with many ingenious ways to open the can. Then suddenly the mathematician gets a bright idea: "Assume we have a can opener..."
How do you tell if a loaf of bread has Down Syndrome?
It has an extra crumb-osome.
What do you call someone with Down Syndrome who smokes weed?
A baked potato.
Why is flour retarded?
Because it's in-bread.
Welcome to the Church of the Holy Cabbage.
Lettuce pray.
What is a vegetarian's favorite song?
No beef.
What's the difference between a baby and a salad?
Most people don't get angry when you toss a salad.
What's the difference between jam and jelly?
You can't jelly your cock into a girl's mouth.
What do you call a vegetable who has escaped prison?
An escapea.
How did Jesus like his chicken?
Crucifried.
What do you call it when you're trying to find out what someone had for lunch?
An ingestigation.
No matter how much I love cake...
I would never dessert you.
What's the difference between roast beef and pea soup?
It's easy to roast beef.
What do you call a fruit that argues against the position it supports?
The Devil's advocado.
A hamburger walks into a bar.
The bartender says, "I'm sorry. We don't serve food here."
What is orange and sounds like a parrot?
A carrot.
What do cannibals eat to freshen their breath?
Men toes.
