Father jokes

"OK, son," he says. "It's as easy as counting to 5."

1. Pull down your pants. 2. Pull back your foreskin. 3. Pee in the toilet. 4. Put your foreskin back. 5. Pull up your pants.

From then on, every time the boy goes to the toilet, he counts from 1 to 5. One day, the father noticed his son was taking quite some time in the toilet. He went to check on him and overheard his son saying, "2,4,2,4,2,4,2,4."

I heard there was a kidnapping.

Don't worry, he woke up in the back of a van.

It was his father's friend who was a priest.

He was just bringing him to church.

I have a stepladder because my real ladder left when I was just a kid.

Oh wait, I'm thinking of...

What do you call a parent that is pregnant?

Buy one, get one free.

My wife said she wanted steamed vegetables with her steak, so I put her father in the hot tub.

My girlfriend really wants me to get her pregnant so she would have a father figure in her life for once.

Where can white people cook better than Black people?

On Father’s Day.

What do orphans and fathers have in common? They both don't have families to go to.

I don't understand why people hate it when they hear a dad joke. They are actually pretty funny, and I will show you Y. (shows a picture of the letter Y)

Technically speaking, "ur mom/ur father" jokes have no effect on orphans.

What's the difference between a paralyzed kid and a father?

The father gets to leave, while the kid stays.

On the first day of school, the teacher asked a student, "What are your parent's names?"

The student replied, "My father's name is Laughing and my mother's name is Smiling."

The teacher said, "Are you kidding?"

The student said, "No, Kidding is my brother, I am Joking."

Moby Dick's father's name...

Papa Boner.

We shouldn't joke about major tragedies. My dad died in 9/11, he was Saudi Arabia's best pilot.

"Me tells dad joke often."

"I want to hear it."

"Me? You wouldn't get it."

The mailman came to drop the mail off.

Me (son): I went and told my mommy that daddy is home.

Mommy tells me, "You got no daddy."

Then I say, "I hear you always call the mailman daddy."

Dad: You’re looking pretty sheepish.

Son: That’s too baaaaaad!

And Mary said God had given her a child, so Joseph went and joined Fathers For Justice.

I asked my mom if I can help her out with the cooking, she answered yes.

A few hours later, dinner was ready and dad came to join. Mother said, "Honey, can you get the mashed potatoes?" Dad said, "Why, she’s right here."

The daughter walks up to her father and asks him, "Dad, can I ask you something?"

The father says, "Of course, what's your question?"

The daughter replies and asks, "How do you feel about abortion?"

The father says, "Why don't you ask your sister?"

The daughter replies, "I don't have a sis-"