Father jokes

Moby Dick's father's name...

Papa Boner.

"Me tells dad joke often."

"I want to hear it."

"Me? You wouldn't get it."

The mailman came to drop the mail off.

Me (son): I went and told my mommy that daddy is home.

Mommy tells me, "You got no daddy."

Then I say, "I hear you always call the mailman daddy."

We shouldn't joke about major tragedies. My dad died in 9/11, he was Saudi Arabia's best pilot.

What do orphans and fathers have in common? They both don't have families to go to.

What's the difference between a paralyzed kid and a father?

The father gets to leave, while the kid stays.

I don't understand why people hate it when they hear a dad joke. They are actually pretty funny, and I will show you Y. (shows a picture of the letter Y)

Technically speaking, "ur mom/ur father" jokes have no effect on orphans.

And Mary said God had given her a child, so Joseph went and joined Fathers For Justice.

On the first day of school, the teacher asked a student, "What are your parent's names?"

The student replied, "My father's name is Laughing and my mother's name is Smiling."

The teacher said, "Are you kidding?"

The student said, "No, Kidding is my brother, I am Joking."

I heard there was a kidnapping.

Don't worry, he woke up in the back of a van.

It was his father's friend who was a priest.

He was just bringing him to church.

I have a stepladder because my real ladder left when I was just a kid.

Oh wait, I'm thinking of...

What do you call a parent that is pregnant?

Buy one, get one free.

My girlfriend really wants me to get her pregnant so she would have a father figure in her life for once.

My wife said she wanted steamed vegetables with her steak, so I put her father in the hot tub.

Where can white people cook better than Black people?

On Father’s Day.

The daughter walks up to her father and asks him, "Dad, can I ask you something?"

The father says, "Of course, what's your question?"

The daughter replies and asks, "How do you feel about abortion?"

The father says, "Why don't you ask your sister?"

The daughter replies, "I don't have a sis-"

What do you call an orphan who became a priest?

Father-less.

My father touched me yesterday. I called him a priest.

Little Johnny walks into the living room and asks his parents, "Mom, Dad, what do you get when you crossbreed a bulldog and shih tzu?"

The mother and father shrug and say, "We have no idea, Johnny. What do you get?" and little Johnny replies, "You get a bullshit."