Father jokes
I have a stepladder because my real ladder left when I was just a kid.
Oh wait, I'm thinking of...
What do you call a parent that is pregnant?
Buy one, get one free.
I heard there was a kidnapping.
Don't worry, he woke up in the back of a van.
It was his father's friend who was a priest.
He was just bringing him to church.
My girlfriend really wants me to get her pregnant so she would have a father figure in her life for once.
My wife said she wanted steamed vegetables with her steak, so I put her father in the hot tub.
Technically speaking, "ur mom/ur father" jokes have no effect on orphans.
What's the difference between a paralyzed kid and a father?
The father gets to leave, while the kid stays.
I don't understand why people hate it when they hear a dad joke. They are actually pretty funny, and I will show you Y. (shows a picture of the letter Y)
We shouldn't joke about major tragedies. My dad died in 9/11, he was Saudi Arabia's best pilot.
The mailman came to drop the mail off.
Me (son): I went and told my mommy that daddy is home.
Mommy tells me, "You got no daddy."
Then I say, "I hear you always call the mailman daddy."
You know, the strangest things happen. My mom said, "Step on a crack, you break your mama's back, but if you step on a line, you break your father's spine." I stepped on the line. It didn't break his spine. Mom, who is my father?
Moby Dick's father's name...
Papa Boner.
"Me tells dad joke often."
"I want to hear it."
"Me? You wouldn't get it."
On the first day of school, the teacher asked a student, "What are your parent's names?"
The student replied, "My father's name is Laughing and my mother's name is Smiling."
The teacher said, "Are you kidding?"
The student said, "No, Kidding is my brother, I am Joking."
And Mary said God had given her a child, so Joseph went and joined Fathers For Justice.
What do orphans and fathers have in common? They both don't have families to go to.
Where can white people cook better than Black people?
On Father’s Day.
The daughter walks up to her father and asks him, "Dad, can I ask you something?"
The father says, "Of course, what's your question?"
The daughter replies and asks, "How do you feel about abortion?"
The father says, "Why don't you ask your sister?"
The daughter replies, "I don't have a sis-"
A Chinese boy never met his parents after they were killed in WW2, so when he learned where they were buried, he quickly rushed there.
He sat down in front of their graves and prayed, "I want to see your face again, mommy..." A miracle happened; his mother rose up from the graves and hugged him.
The boy cried then said, "I want to see you too, dad." He looked at his father's grave, but nothing happened.
Suddenly, a Japanese soldier came up behind him and asked, "Were you looking for me?"
Why are Black women dating white men?
So their kids don’t have to worry about not meeting their father.