An old man goes to a church and is making a confession:
Man: "Father, I am 75 years old. I have been married for 50 years. All these years I had been faithful to my wife, but yesterday I was intimate with an 18-year-old."
Father: "When was the last time you made a confession?"
Man: "I never have, I am Jewish."
Father: "Then why are telling me all this?"
Man: "I’m telling everybody!"
A black Jewish boy runs home from school one day and asks his father, “Daddy, am I more Jewish or more black?” The dad replies, “Why do you want to know, son?” “Because a kid at school is selling a bike for $50 and I want to know if I should talk him down to $40 or just steal it!”
I got LEGOs for Christmas and my friend got her father's headstone
Don't listen to people when they say you have a dad bod. you don't. You have a father figure
Why are black women dating white men? So their kids don’t have to worry about not meeting their father
Why do Black people go to a confession stand at the Catholic Church? They wanna know what it’s like to speak to a father
My girlfriend really wants me to get her pregnant so she would have a father figure in her life for once
My wife said she wanted steam vegetables with her steak so I put her father in the hot tub
When I was a kid, my father would tell me that the black Santa Claus was was coming to our house for Christmas. So, instead of putting out cookies and milk, we would put out cornbread and purple kool-aid.
Father talks to his 5-year-old son: “No, Petie, you don’t have to worry. There is no monster sleeping under your bed. It sleeps every day in the bed next to me.”
I’ll never forget my father’s last words to me just before he died: “Are you sure you fixed the brakes?”
If you've spent less time inside your mother that you father has, you just might be from Alabama!
One day little Johnny woke up to get a drink of water. He passed by his parent's bedroom and noticed sheets bouncing. He asked his dad what he was doing he said playing cards, Little Johnny said who is your partner? dad said his mom on his way up he passed by his sisters room and noticed sheets Bouncing around and asked what she’s doing she said playing cards with my boyfriend, Paul. Next day dad came to ask Johnny a questions The father noticed Johnny was still in bed and asked him what he was doing. He saw sheet bouncing and asked Johnny what he was doing he said playing cards. His dad asked him who is his partner was little johnny said you don’t need a partner if you have a good hand
Sometimes I think back on all the people I’ve lost and remember why I stopped being a tour guide
Give a man a match, and he’ll be warm for a few hours. Set him on fire, and he’ll be warm for the rest of his life.
You don’t need a parachute to go skydiving. You need a parachute to go skydiving twice.
My grandfather said my generation relies too much on the latest technology. I called him a hypocrite and unplugged his life support.
I’ll never forget my father’s last words to me just before he died: “Are you sure you fixed the brakes?”
I took my 5 year old son to ride some roller coasters, I think he didn’t like it, because I challenged him to a no hands contest. He said but I don’t have any. He wanted to know what dark humor is. Now he knows what it is and what it feels like.
My son told me he wanted to be Batman when he grows up that little shit wants to be gone down an alley
Where can white people cook better than Black people? On Father’s Day
My father told me to always carry a womens bag but I don't know why he called the cops on me when I helped moms bag when we went parachuting. :(
I just encountered a father and son moment over some milk The dad finally came back with the milk
why does an orphan hate the ending of Finding Nemo
Nemo goes back to his father
