Family jokes
Why can't orphans play baseball?
'Cause they don't know where home is.
Why are orphans bad at baseball? Because they can't go home.
My mom tells me to stop with the suicide jokes, and I replied with, "It's not that deep."
A boy asks his father:
"What is politics?"
Father answers:
"It’s very simple! You see, I bring in the money, so I’m big business. Your mother spends the money, so she’s the government.
Your grandfather sees to it that everything is managed in an orderly way. So he’s the law.
Our maid is the working class.
Everything revolves around your interests, so you’re the people. Your little baby brother represents the future."
The boy has to think it over. That night he hears his little brother crying due to a dirty diaper. He doesn’t know what to do, so he goes to the bedroom of his parents. There his mother is sound asleep. He goes to the bedroom of the maid, but his father is there fucking the maid — and oddly enough his grandfather is watching through the window.
Nobody notices the boy and he returns to his bed.
The next day his father asks him:
"So, can you now explain to me what politics is?"
The boy says:
"Yes, it’s all become clear to me!
Big business screws over the working class while the law watches and the government sleeps. The people are ignored and the future lies in shit."
Am I considered a cannibal because I told my mom that Grandma's ashes were sugar?
Why does an orphan go to church?
So it has someone to call father.
How many beaten children does it take to change a light bulb for a drunken father?
Apparently not enough to impress him.
What’s one thing orphans don’t have on their computer? A home page.
Why can an orphan not do school work?
Because they have to take their work home to their parents.
Why can't orphans play baseball?
Because they can't hit a home run.
What is an orphan's excuse to leave a party?
"I'm gonna make like my parents and run."
Your mom is so small that she can fit in the luggage.
I got up one day; my neighbor was in my house and was going to take me and my mom out. I showed my mom and my neighbor a trick. They both liked it. I asked my neighbor, "Do you know any tricks?" He said, "Yes, in matter of fact, I could tell you what your mom had for breakfast." I said, "How?" Well, my neighbor licked my mom's ass and ate her pussy out in front of me. He told me my mom had pancakes. So we were in the car; I asked my neighbor, "How did you know what my mom had pancakes for breakfast?" My neighbor said, "Well, that is what your mom made me while we were waiting for you to get up."
Cool kid: I slept with your sister.
Me: Never knew my brother was a girl.
Everyone else: :O
Little Johnny wanted a lolly, so his dada gave him dick.
Adam and Eve had 3 male children, the only children on Earth. How did they reproduce?
How do you get an orphan to go to sleep?
Tell them their parents are waiting when they wake up.
What’s the difference between an orphan and an apple? The apple got picked.
What do orphans in Batman have in common? They'll never see their parents again.
Your eyebrows run away like your dad.