Family jokes

I ate all of your mommy's orphans.

Brother: Your nuts!

Sister: What do you mean? You're the one that has the nuts!

My brother got his legs chopped off, but someone FBI opened my basement door, but it wasn't my brother because he died of starvation in the basement.

Boy: "Mister, can I get candy?"

Mister: No, you shit head.

Boy: Why? :(

Mister: Because I'm not your dad.

Why are half of the orphans blind? Because they can't find their parents.

Why can't orphans play baseball? Because they can't find home.

What's the difference between an orphan and a dog?

A dog gets adopted.

What does an orphan call home?

Nothing. 🤣

An orphan walks on a path asking for his mum. Soon he remembers he doesn't have a mum.

(Also, I had sex with ur mum. She was screaming "daddy~")

An orphan was in 1st grade, and its teacher said to spell "parrot." The boy spelled "Parents."

Your mom's like a candy machine; she pops out for anybody.

If you're ever bored, beat up an orphan, what are they gonna do? Tell their parents?

A girl looked in the fridge. She got mad that somebody ate the last ice cream cone. She ran into her sister's room and said, "This is why you're fat!" Then fell down the stairs. Good thing she had that belly roll to save her.

What's the difference between your dad and the mailman? Nothing.

Dad: What do you call a crazy creeper?

Mom: Shit, I don't know...

Kid: Crrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!

Dad: That's my boy's!!!

One orphan said, "Daddy, chill." I was like, "You don't have a dad!"

Why was the orphan able to avoid getting into trouble at school?

Because they couldn’t call his parents!

Yo mama's like a fridge, she breaks down when she loses her cool.

What do orphans do at parent teacher meetings?

My grandpa was a great pilot, but he died on September 11, 2001.