Family jokes

What's the difference between an apple and an orphan?

An apple gets picked.

Why don't orphans play GTA?

Because they're sad they don't get wanted!

Why can't orphans play Monopoly?

Because they never get a full house.

Mom: Son, where are my condoms?

Son: What are condoms?

Dad: She puts it on me and the sandwich.

Son: Wait, why did my girlfriend come over and take one?

Dad: Um, I don't know, but go to bed.

Son: But it's 2:46pm in the afternoon, bruh.

Why are orphans so scared of the dark?

The dad can't check the closet for them.

"Cummy wummy all over my mummy."

My Mom said, "I have a daughter that killed herself for getting bullied."

Well, I said, "Have you seen her?"

I tried to make a website for orphans.

Sadly, I couldn't make a home page.

I pregnoot.

Your hairline's less straight than my dad's.

Why can't an orphan play kickball?

Because they can't hit home.

Why can’t an orphan go on a field trip?

'Cause they need a parent's signature.

My "parents" are so dumb. Who tf names their son "Lydia"?

Brother: Your nuts!

Sister: What do you mean? You're the one that has the nuts!

Why are half of the orphans blind? Because they can't find their parents.

I was listening to WAP in my car with my four-year-old cousin, and she asked why they don't fix the holes in the house.

Then my fucking boyfriend, what a hoe, was and pointed to me. I pushed him out of the car, and my other boyfriend took the front seat.

I bet when your mom first saw you, she said, "Oh my god, this ain't my child. My child would look amazing."

Who thinks people should stop doing orphan jokes? Type here so we can talk about it.

I ate all of your mommy's orphans.

My brother got his legs chopped off, but someone FBI opened my basement door, but it wasn't my brother because he died of starvation in the basement.