Family jokes

Dad, why are we here?

Because you're not loved.

Yo mama so fat that she should be worried for her health and go see a doctor.

Roses are red, your mother has said, "Come back again, and you'll be dead!"

"Knock knock."

"Who's there?"

"Steve!"

"Steve who?"

Steve cries, aware that his grandmother's Alzheimer's has reached a point where she can no longer remember him.

If you punch an orphan, what are they going to do, tell their parents?

My mom told me that she and the owner of a Chinese restaurant made a deal. Now we get free Chinese food. So I ask my mom why do we get free Chinese food? Then my mom said, "I love him long time."

Why don’t you peel a banana?

It’s too hard to kill your nana.

I was chopping onions with my brothers, so my little sisters cried. Onions was a good dog.

Yo mama so old, she was Jesus' nanny! 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂

I lent my sister my bed. The next morning, she told me it worked like a dream.

My blind son got hit by a car when he was riding his new bike. He should have been paying attention.

My dad always used to beat me, but he never beat cancer.

Rhydon- son.

Rhydon? - mum.

RHYDON DEEZ NUTS! - son.

Jeez, ur like ur father in bed- mum.

XD

My brother truly is a numbskull.

What cries, is red, and is a pokey boi?

The baby you just feed nails to.

I will always remember my dad's last words...

Oh wait, I've never heard them.

"Well," he says, "It's what mommy calls me sometimes."

The little girl screams, "Don't eat it! It's a fucking asshole."

Your momma!

Stephen Hawking's family was cruel. He fell over and got told to man up and walk it off.

You're shorter than a thumbtack, like, boy, your auntie is probably taller than you.