Family jokes

Dad: "Honey, I'll be right back. I need to get some papers."

Me: "Okay." *Falls asleep.*

*Wakes up in an adoption center.*

Damn, it was those kind of papers.

This kid was going to sleep and he said, "Night, Mum. Night, Dad. And night, Grandma, and bye, Grandpa." The next morning, Grandpa died, and the next night he said, "Night, Dad. Night, Mum. Night, Grandma." Grandma died the next morning. The next night he said, "Night, Mum, bye, Dad," and they heard the postman died because he was the dad, lol.

When I was walking home, a couple of married guys were saying, "Your mom is good at her job," but I realized my mom doesn't work.

So I ask my mom, "Why are these guys saying you're good at your job? You don't work." My mom said, "Yeah, I got a new job." So I said, "What do you do?" My mom said, "Job hand, no, I mean it's called a hand job."

I got home one day and a Spanish guy, white guy, black guy told me that your sister knows her meats.

She won a trophy. We blindfolded her, then my sister said, "Yeah, I was blindfolded, and I gave all three of them blowjobs and I had to guess which flavor of the meat it was."

The Trophy said Best Blowjobs. As a brother, I couldn't be prouder.

What do you call an autistic daughter?

What's an orphan's least favorite joke?

Yo mama!

What is saw and bleeding and covered in bruises?

Your mum.

Why can’t orphans eat at a family restaurant? Because they don’t have a mom or dad.

My sister Wani is a dwarf, so I sit on her as a chair.

I was naughty at school and my teacher said she's going to tell my dad. I was like, "Who's that?"

What's the difference between an apple and an orphan?

An apple gets picked.

Why can't orphans play Monopoly?

Because they never get a full house.

Mom: Son, where are my condoms?

Son: What are condoms?

Dad: She puts it on me and the sandwich.

Son: Wait, why did my girlfriend come over and take one?

Dad: Um, I don't know, but go to bed.

Son: But it's 2:46pm in the afternoon, bruh.

Why don't orphans play GTA?

Because they're sad they don't get wanted!

My Mom said, "I have a daughter that killed herself for getting bullied."

Well, I said, "Have you seen her?"

I tried to make a website for orphans.

Sadly, I couldn't make a home page.

Why can't an orphan play kickball?

Because they can't hit home.

I pregnoot.

"Cummy wummy all over my mummy."

Yo momma!