Family jokes

What's an orphan's favorite toy?

A boomerang, because it came back unlike their parents.

Mom: Hey hun, need some money for lunch at school?

Son: No, I got 1k already.

Mom: Wait, what, how?

Son: Mom's wallet is magic.

How do you punish a blind kid?

Move to a new house.

Somebody’s son said, "Mom, my dick has white stuff coming out of it." She said, "Oh, good one, son, so when’s the baby coming?"

Yo momma is so hungry that she ate your peanuts!

You can make fun of adopted kids all you want. What are they going to do, tell their parents on you? Lol.

My parents came back from their vacation in Florida, and all I got is this lousy nursemaid from Miami named mammie.

Yo mama is so dumb, she'll watch edited Peppa Pig all day long.

What’s the difference between Santa and an orphan? Nothing; they don’t have parents.

Louie's parents tried this.

Q: A mom had 5 children: January, February, March, April. What is the name of the fifth child?

A: What.

What happens when the orphan at school gets sent home?

Why can’t orphans have an iPhone?

Because they can’t hit the home button.

Wife: I will leave you if you call me fat again.

Husband: Wait, dear... Don’t do it for the sake of our kid!

Wife: Kid?

Husband: Yeah, aren’t you pregnant?

What do you call an 18-year-old orphan?

Homeless.

What do you do when your sister asks you “Why are you sad?”

Reply back with “Because you were born.”

You're mum.

Lol, I keep stealing my dad's medication money, and the best part is he never remembers.

My mom showed me that she could deep throat a banana. I asked how you know how to do that. My mom said, "I practice on your stepfather."

Me: Hey, wanna know my spirit animal?

Friend: Sure.

Me: Roadkill, because I can see my mom pretty clearly now.

Friend: Wait, aren't you dead?

Me: Aren't you my son?

Friend: So that's what Mom was trying to hide from me.