Family jokes

I got raped when I was 5 in my princess pajamas by my dad. Nobody laughed at these jokes; they just cried.

So, on one partly cloudy night, there was a boy and his dad gazing up at the sky.

Dad: Aren't the stars just wonderful?

Boy: I'm not sure, from my angle, all I see are clouds.

Dad: Well, come over here and take a look.

Boy: Damn, the clouds always move when I get to the right spot!

Dad: Well then, I guess I will have to make you see them everywhere you look then.

Then the Dad shook and spun the boy around till he said...

NOW I'M SEEING STARS!!!

Ur mom gay lololololololol.

What does the blind, deaf child get for Christmas?

Cancer.

So here’s this funny story, and it’s true.

So my mom has this friend. When this guy was a kid, he was on the school bus, and this Mexican kid checked him into the aisle, so he hits him across the face with a metal lunchbox, and he started bleeding. Then they both get banned from the bus for a few days, so him and his dad drive to the Mexican kids house, and his dad says to the Mexican kids dad “if your kid ever picks on my kid again, I’m gonna come back to this house and kick your ass!”

Orphans are depressed, hahaha.

I told my mother I'm a sexy cunt. She said, "No, you got cancer, you twat."

I was eating this girl out the other day and I tasted horse semen... I looked up at the girl and said “that’s how you died, grandma!”

My dad told me a story today. His mom, my grandma, said if a bird gets in your house, someone will die.

That day, a hummingbird got in his UPS truck, and that’s the day he found out that my grandma had cancer. 😭😭😭😭😭 6 weeks later, she died. 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭

Why did Michael Jackson name his kid Blanket?

What would you call a cover for your cock?

What happens when the orphan at school gets sent home?

Yo mama is so dumb, she'll watch edited Peppa Pig all day long.

My parents came back from their vacation in Florida, and all I got is this lousy nursemaid from Miami named mammie.

You can make fun of adopted kids all you want. What are they going to do, tell their parents on you? Lol.

Louie's parents tried this.

Q: A mom had 5 children: January, February, March, April. What is the name of the fifth child?

A: What.

I don't know why my blind kid is crying, but I think it could be the tacks I put on the couch.

My son asked me to stop singing Oasis songs in public. I said maybe.

Me: Hey, wanna know my spirit animal?

Friend: Sure.

Me: Roadkill, because I can see my mom pretty clearly now.

Friend: Wait, aren't you dead?

Me: Aren't you my son?

Friend: So that's what Mom was trying to hide from me.

Lol, I keep stealing my dad's medication money, and the best part is he never remembers.