Family jokes

What does an orphan say a lot? "Where is my house?"

You know you have weird Indian parents when you can hear them canilingus each other.

Why can't orphans play baseball? They can't find their parents.

What do orphans get on Xmas?

Lonely.

One day there was a boy who needed the toilet, so he goes to his teacher and asks if he can go to the toilet. The teacher says "yes, but before you go, what are the first 3 letters in the alphabet?" The boy replies, "I don't know, miss..." The teacher says that he will have to wait.

Later, the boy goes home to his mom who is on the phone. He asks, "What is the first letter in the alphabet?" His mom says, "Oh, shut up!" So the boy goes to his dad who is playing darts and says, "What is the second letter in the alphabet?" His dad says "180!" So the boy goes to his sister who is playing with her Barbies. The boy asks, "What is the 3rd letter in the alphabet?" The sister says, "I'm a Barbie girl in a Barbie world!"

The next day, the boy goes to school and needs the toilet again, so he goes to ask if he can go, and the teacher says, "Yes, but before you go, what are the 3 letters in the alphabet?" The boy says, "Oh, shut up!" The teacher is angry about that, so she says, "What is the second one?" "180!" says the boy, and the teacher asks him where he is from, and the boy says, "I'm a Barbie girl in a Barbie world!"

The end.

What is the other word for an orphan?

Paren't.

Your mom is fat, oh yeah, oh yeah, uh, uhhh.

Why did the orphan get an iPhone X for his birthday?

Because it has no home button.

What do you call an orphan's home?

No home.

I will always remember my dad's last words...

Oh wait, I never knew them.

I asked an orphan where his parents were.

(God, I wish I knew)

I asked the orphan kid if his mom is hot. He just started crying.

I remember my grandfather's last words: "Is that loaded?"

After having a win at bingo, Ethel splashed out on some venison for tea.

During the meal, her daughter asked her mum what it was, to which she replied with a little smile... "It's what I call your father."

Little Jimmy threw down his knife and fork and jumped up sayin', "Oh My God! Don't eat it!!! It's a fucking Dick!"

What's the hardest thing to do?

Not kill your siblings. (Put the knives away ">:)")

Little Johnny walked in on his mom in the shower and said, "What's that on your chest, Mom?" Mom said, "Those are my headlights." Johnny: "Oh. What's that in between your legs, Mom?" Mom: "Oh, that's my bush." Johnny: "Oh, OK." Next, he walked in on his dad in the shower. He said, "Dad, what's that in between your legs?" Dad: "Oh, that's my snake." Johnny: "Oh, OK." That night, little Johnny walks in on his parents going at it and said, "Mom, turn on his headlights, there's a snake going in your bush!"

Why do orphans love to go to church?

Because they can finally call someone "father!"

You know we straight with doin' your mom.

Yo mama so clumsy, she gave birth to you.

I spit on an orphan. What is he going to do? Tell his parents?

Why are orphans bad at baseball? They can never find home.