Family jokes

I look at your bro.

And all I can see is the real definition of *"Lack of Grace!"*

How do you punish a blind kid?

Move to a new house.

What's an orphan's favorite toy?

A boomerang, because it came back unlike their parents.

Mom: Hey hun, need some money for lunch at school?

Son: No, I got 1k already.

Mom: Wait, what, how?

Son: Mom's wallet is magic.

Somebody’s son said, "Mom, my dick has white stuff coming out of it." She said, "Oh, good one, son, so when’s the baby coming?"

What’s the difference between Santa and an orphan? Nothing; they don’t have parents.

Yo mama is so dumb, she'll watch edited Peppa Pig all day long.

My son asked me to stop singing Oasis songs in public. I said maybe.

My parents came back from their vacation in Florida, and all I got is this lousy nursemaid from Miami named mammie.

Me: Hey, wanna know my spirit animal?

Friend: Sure.

Me: Roadkill, because I can see my mom pretty clearly now.

Friend: Wait, aren't you dead?

Me: Aren't you my son?

Friend: So that's what Mom was trying to hide from me.

What do you do when your sister asks you “Why are you sad?”

Reply back with “Because you were born.”

Yo momma is so hungry that she ate your peanuts!

You can make fun of adopted kids all you want. What are they going to do, tell their parents on you? Lol.

My mom showed me that she could deep throat a banana. I asked how you know how to do that. My mom said, "I practice on your stepfather."

You're mum.

Lol, I keep stealing my dad's medication money, and the best part is he never remembers.

What happens when the orphan at school gets sent home?

What do you call an 18-year-old orphan?

Homeless.

Wife: I will leave you if you call me fat again.

Husband: Wait, dear... Don’t do it for the sake of our kid!

Wife: Kid?

Husband: Yeah, aren’t you pregnant?

So I was playing on my phone, and my mom said to go and take the trash out, so I pick up my sister and threw her in the garbage bin and said, "Mom told me to." And when I came back in, my mom said not to do that ever again, but then I told her that she says not to lie, so I was doing the right thing. 👍