Family jokes

We are having a sleepover and we are being as quiet as possible.

Addison: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA, THOSE ARE GREAT JOKES!!!

Layne: IKR

Mom: SHUT UP, YOUR BROTHER IS TRYING TO SLEEP.

Addison: ok fine.

Layne: Look at this joke.

Addison: HAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHA

*Addison and Layne continue laughing really loudly*

Brother 2: We have these weird circles on the street! Government is tracking us!!!

Brother 1: They are just to sense cars so they can change lights. And it's the government.

Brother 2: Then why are there two in the left turn lane?

Brother 1: So one car isn't always going left and stopping the others.

Brother 2: Then why are they one car apart? Oh, to have three people going.

Brother 1: Correct. When I see one car on the first, I go on the second so my light changes.

Brother 2: You monster.

Brother 1: I wonder if they trigger by weight?

Brother 2: HA. Yo mama would trigger the sensor.

Brother 1: ARG. It's OUR MAMA you're disrespecting.

Mother (brother 1): What's going on boys? *looks in mirror* HOLY SH@& SHE IS PRETTY!

Brother 2: I think you should take your pills.

Brother 1: Found them.

*imaginary mother and brother fade away*

Thank you ELECTROBOOM for inspiring this joke/sh!t. Go subb to him.

Btw the (1) means it is just imaginary brother one acting like another brother.

My mom said I rely on my devices too much, so I unplugged her life support.

Gay orphans don't exist cuz they have no one to call "daddy," and lesbian orphans don't exist cuz they have no one to call "mommy."

Your nan is gay.

How can you tell when your sister is on her period?

Your dad's knob tastes funny.

Why did the kid go in the guy's van?

Answer: He thought he was being adopted.

Your mom gay.

My wife purely hates me for me having sex with our daughter.

It's not my fault I couldn't wait to get out of the abortion clinic!

My sister's boyfriend was coming around for Christmas Day. He had the option of two birds to tuck into: Turkey or Goose.

I said, "Are you not satisfied with my sister, who is literally handing herself on a plate to you?!"

What's the difference between an orphan and an apple?

The apple gets picked.

Q: Why did Hitler shoot himself?

A: Because his mother taught him to take out the trash.

Roses are red, I failed my test, All because of Hugh and his incest.

"Is Mrs. Wall here?"

"No."

"Is Mr. Wall here?"

"No."

"Then what is holding up the walls?"

I made a website for orphans the other day... it doesn’t have a home page.

It’s like Sonic always says, “If you’re ever bored, punch an orphan. What are they gonna do, tell their parents?”

Yo mama is so ugly that James Charles rejected her.

Want to know something? Jason and Michael Myers had to watch their family while they have to live forever. That's why they kill; they're trying to make people experience what they did.

Your kid's so ugly he would make a Happy Meal cry.

I asked my dad to come to my Father’s Day breakfast.

The orphanage worker just said, “Don’t be silly!”