Family jokes

Why did the kid go in the guy's van?

Answer: He thought he was being adopted.

Your mom gay.

My wife purely hates me for me having sex with our daughter.

It's not my fault I couldn't wait to get out of the abortion clinic!

My sister's boyfriend was coming around for Christmas Day. He had the option of two birds to tuck into: Turkey or Goose.

I said, "Are you not satisfied with my sister, who is literally handing herself on a plate to you?!"

What's the difference between an orphan and an apple?

The apple gets picked.

Q: Why did Hitler shoot himself?

A: Because his mother taught him to take out the trash.

Roses are red, I failed my test, All because of Hugh and his incest.

"Is Mrs. Wall here?"

"No."

"Is Mr. Wall here?"

"No."

"Then what is holding up the walls?"

I made a website for orphans the other day... it doesn’t have a home page.

It’s like Sonic always says, “If you’re ever bored, punch an orphan. What are they gonna do, tell their parents?”

Yo mama is so ugly that James Charles rejected her.

Want to know something? Jason and Michael Myers had to watch their family while they have to live forever. That's why they kill; they're trying to make people experience what they did.

Your kid's so ugly he would make a Happy Meal cry.

I asked my dad to come to my Father’s Day breakfast.

The orphanage worker just said, “Don’t be silly!”

My dad came out of my step-sister's room as I came out of my step-mum's room.

Why can’t orphans play baseball?

Because they can’t run home.

I felt bad for a dog, and I looked to my left, and there was an orphan, and I said I will make you a website, and I said there won't be a homepage.

The kid's dad was a magician because he disappeared and never came back.

Why can’t an orphan play baseball?

They can never do a home run.

I hate when people leave their cars running, especially in the summer.

I'm like, "You got Tracy Latimer in there or something?"