Family

Family jokes

Skill

What did Osama Bin Laden's kids not inherit after his death?

His hide-and-seek skills.

Name

Jake: Can I go outside?

Mom: Did you clean your room?

Jake: No.

Mom: Then f*ck no.

Jake: Alright, bet.

(Brother named No)

Orphan

Why can't orphans be kidnapped?

Because most kidnappers use a family van.

Memes

Orphan

Why do orphans watch "The Nightmare Before Christmas"?

Answer: Oogie Boogie is ugly, so they want to be ugly.

Permission

I was absolutely fuming when I found out my mate was rifling through my mum's knicker drawer.

No one goes in there without my permission!

Orphan

How do you make an orphan's hands bleed?

Tell him to clap until his parents come home.

Auntie

I will remember my auntie's last words: "If you shoot me, your p-nis is small!"

(gun shot)

Dryer

Well, I got stuck in the dryer and fell asleep. Then my step bro got home, and I did not know, and hours later I woke up. My pants were down, and my butt was on fire.

Orphan

What is an orphan's favorite day?

Tomorrow: that is when the sun will come out.

Orphan

Why do orphans like Monopoly?

To cry about the money they can’t earn in real life.

Firework

My dad said, "Where's Pickles, the family cat?" I said, "I'm sorry to say he's in the sky." He said, "Oh, I see, he passed away." No, I strapped him to 20 fireworks!

Mum

What's the similarity between your mum and West Ham?

Your mum blows spunk bubbles from her ass.