Expectation jokes

Women be like, "Men's heights," then cry when they get called fat...

Mom: “Guess where I’m taking you, son!”

Son: “To the playground?”

Mom: “No, to the morgue.”

My friend died. Me and my other bestie start singing the coffin song. My bestie in the coffin, why are you not sad? Why are you still alive?

Gwen, I thought you would be with me if Prince broke up with you... :((((((

When I was a kid, my mother told me I could be anyone I wanted to be.

Turns out, I'm just a burden.

Say "joke" 5 times.

Oh, nothing happened.

In the morning, I become a cereal killer. Stepped on a corn flake.

Then there was the run-in with a pair of orphaned Rice Krispies. Snap. Crackle. No pop.

I've been taken into custody as a cereal offender and am about to be put on trial in Food Court. I fully expect them to sentence me to Life.

I asked a girl I met if I could take her out to dinner.

The joke is I knew right after she said, "I'll call you," she was lying to me, not surprised even a little.

The next joke was a part of me hoped she would call, but did I really think she was going to? I'll never be good enough for anyone, what was I thinking, why did I even bother to ask her in the first place? I think it was just to prove I was right, I'm unwanted.

LONELINESS EQUALS SADNESS.

I bet when your mom first saw you, she said, "Oh my god, this ain't my child. My child would look amazing."

What’s 12 inch long, purple, and makes women scream??

Cot death!

Why don't seagulls fly over the bay? Because then they would be expect bagels.

Wife: Hi babe. Husband: Hey. Wife: Do you wanna? Husband: YES! Wife: Ok, make sure you have a towel to go to the beach. Husband: WHAT? You mean go to the beach? Wife: Yes, what did you think I meant? Husband: Oh, nothing, bye. Wife: Bye, see you there.

I just got my doctor's test results and I'm really upset about it. Turns out, I'm not gonna be a doctor.

I'm dying... sike, I lied. You thought I died!

Three men walk into a bar. You would think the 3rd one would have ducked! 😅

No joke.

What's 9 + 10? 21.

What's 9 - 10? 21?

How can you tell that a woman is asking for sex? Wait for her to drop a bomb on you.

What sayd the man to the woman??

Go to the kitchen lol.

All these females swear they loyal... but you can’t put loyalty on a hoe.