Expectation jokes
What's the difference between me and you?
Nothing, the fudge you expected ni-
I hate it when people think I'm a boy because I have short hair. I mean, I'm gay, what do you expect?
Why are modern women trash?
Because back in the day, a woman knew her place.
I’m like an escalator; I always let people down.
What do you get if you eat 3.14 cakes?
Fat, you get fat.
What? Were you expecting a pi joke?
How many Bay Street bankers does it take to change a light bulb?
In Toronto? One to hold it up and expect the entire country to revolve around them.
A guy tells his pal, "My wife is expecting. We're going to the clinic to see if it's a girl or a boy."
"Congrats, man. What are you gonna name it if it's a boy?"
"We're going with Trevor."
"Ok, what if it's a girl?"
"Then we'll have an abortion."
What does a kid with cancer and a house fly have in common? A life expectancy of 15-25 days.
Everyone thought I'd have a great year...
14 years just gave me more chances.
How can you tell that a woman is asking for sex? Wait for her to drop a bomb on you.
Jeff crosses the US border.
The second he crosses into the USA, a guy comes up with a gun.
Jeff: "That's what I was expecting."
What does a Jew expecting guests say?
"Oy, vey, are they here yet?"
Say "joke" 5 times.
Oh, nothing happened.
I was looking forward to my date with this paraplegic girl, but she stood me up.
Gwen, I thought you would be with me if Prince broke up with you... :((((((
Teacher: What’s 2+2?
Jimmy: 2+2=feEesh
Teacher: Well, Jimmy I can see you're going places, not college, but places.
When you hide in the girl's bathroom so the school shooter won't go in there: 😃
When you notice that the school shooter is female: 😟
What’s 8 inches and women scream when they see it?
A puppy, you dirty monkey!
No, no, no, no. Spot the intruder.
There's no one.
My dad told me Santa was black, so instead of cookies and milk waiting for him when he came down the chimney, he got cornbread and purple Kool-Aid.