What is the difference between harry houdini and everyone else in my life, harry was the only person not to disappear
Nobody really liked our fireplace. So I turned it into a brick pizza oven. Idk why but now everyone likes our fireplace.
When you donate a kidney, you are a total hero, everyone loves you
When you donate five kidneys though, people start yelling, the police gets called - sheesh
Yo everyone! My sis is pregnantđ, Iâm gonna be a dad!
Everyone always has a special person in there life someday, but I think yours got ran over by a bus
When you at a funeral and you laugh at the body...everyone stares and one person said isn Ět that your mom......?
what do a school shooter and a person with gum have in common. ones the pull it out everyone wants to be there friend.
*Hears the news about Sandy Hook* Person 1:God,I can only imagine what was going through those kids heads in the last moments of their lives... Person 2:Probably Bullets Person 1:OMG!!Can you even think of what their parents are going through?! Person 2:Probably Coffin Brochures Person 1:.... Person 2:Its called dark humor.Dark humor is like food,not everyone gets it.
Everyone says Kenny has an easy life. I disagree. I hear his mom likes complicated sex positions.
Iâm a clown... And everyone nose.
You know when women clean their nails with chemicals no one cares but when hitler tries to clean poland with chemicals everyone goes crazy
If I was an object in this world I'd be a glass! Because if you leave me when I'm too close to the edge I will likely shatter and break.
If I was a pizza topping I would be pineapple! Because everybody doubts me.
I'm a star! Because one of these days I'm going to crash and burn...
If I could choose what creature I come back as after I die I'd be a panda, because people would give a shit if I went extinct.
I'm like the sun; I'm painful to look at.
If I was a food I would be chopped liver because nobody likes me.
I'm like an eggshell... broken and empty.
If I was a mythical creature I'd be a unicorn! Because nobody believes in me.
I'm like a flashlight with old batteries inside because my inner light died a long time ago.
My soul is a raisin because it's dried up shriveled, and not everyone likes it.
I'm like the moon because you only get to see one side of me.
I'm like the moon because as the month progresses my life becomes covered more and more by darkness.
I'm like an Ex streamly powerful fan! Because I push everyone away.
I'm like a disposable camera! People use me once and then just throw me away.
I'm like a shity book cover... because people think they have the right to judge and label me before they read my pages.
My brain and body is essentially a really old married couple that can't afford to go through with the divorce and now they are stuck in a toxic relationship they are desperate to escape but the more they try the more they sink into the quicksand that is my depression and anxiety
Help me....
Yo mama so fat that when she tried to get on the train it said weight limit passed everyone get off
Motherhood is a fairytale in reverse. You start in a beautiful gown end up cleaning everyone's messes.
Everyone tells me I need to stop making prostitute jokes. I guess they're whoreibble
Why does everyone respect midgets and dwarves?
They never look down on anyone.
Roses are red, violets are not, everyone at Grant high school is probably a thot.
when you kill people in a war its perfectly fine but when its a school everyone has a problem with it wth.
My girlfriend passed away recently.
at the funeral everyone was shocked about it
Still even when dead she is the best shag I've ever known
