Shower thought: If everyone had schizophrenia, no one would know we had schizophrenia or know what it is!
Why does everyone get offended at female firefighters?
Like seriously, if your house is on fire and burning, you wouldn't really care if the person saving you had a low IQ, right?
I joined ISIS to help my self-esteem issues.
Everyone kept telling me, "You’re the bomb!"
Everyone becomes happy when they complete the last stage of the game.
But the cancer patients aren't.
When you know that everyone thinks you're a hoe.
WHEN Y'ALL ARE MY HOES!
A UN survey asked the following: Please, in your honest opinion, could you give your thoughts on the food shortages in the rest of the world?
It was a failure because:
South Americans don’t know the word “please.”
Eastern Europeans don’t know the word “honest.”
Middle Easterns don’t know the word “opinion.”
Balkans don’t know the word “give.”
Chinese don’t know the word “thoughts.”
Africans don’t know the word “food.”
Western Europeans don’t know the word “shortage.”
Americans don’t know the words “the rest of the world.”
Then they simply explained “just donate healthy food to the global south to help.” But that still didn’t sit right with everyone, because Israelis do not know the word “donate,” and Pacific Islanders do not know the words “healthy food.”
Ali from Kazakhstan, he got small forehead, all his friends laugh. They say, "Ali, your forehead so tiny, you need magnifying glass to see!" But Ali, he not care, he proud of his unique look. When he wear hat, it look like top of mountain, so funny, everyone laugh with him. Ali know small forehead no problem, it make him special, like rare gem!
"John FK, he think he special car no top, everyone see like he on parade. Me, I stay hidden, secret style, no bullets find me. Much smar smarter, no? Scret lifestyle safety."
My dog is named Max, and he likes to eat dog food. Therefore, everyone named Max likes to eat dog food.
Yo mama so fat when she sits down, she sits next to everyone!
Question; Why do they call Melania Trump the "Walk-In" Freezer?
Answer; It's because that is where EVERYONE goes to "Hang Their Meat"!
Why would doors do well on social media?
Everyone looks for their handles.
Why did the rapper become a barber?
To give everyone FRESH CUTS
I'm not calling you a slut, I'm calling you a penny: two-faced, worthless, and in everyone's pants.
Leo is like Monday mornings... everyone dreads her, but we're forced to deal with her anyway.
why does everyone call me racist?
my shadow is black
"BlessedBrian" is like Monday mornings... everyone dreads him, but somehow he KEEPS SHOWING UP.
Why did the rapper bring a dictionary to the party? (Part 2) To leave everyone SPEECHLESS
I’m not calling you a slut, I’m calling you a penny.
Two-faced, worthless, and in everyone’s pants!
A bus full of ugly people is driving down the street. The bus crashes and everyone goes to heaven. They see Saint Peter, and he feels bad for them and grants them one wish before they go into heaven. The first one says, "I wish to be attractive." The second one says the same.
Meanwhile, the 3rd person in line is giggling and snickering and laughing while Saint Peter is granting wishes. Curiously, he asks why he is laughing. He says, "I was going to wish that they turned ugly again."
