Every jokes
I hope every time you watch YouTube, you get 30 second unskippable ads!
Everyone reading this is gay!
An old man is sitting on a park bench, crying his eyes out. A jogger stops, feels bad for him, and asks, "Sir, what's wrong?"
The old man sobs, "I'm 85 years old. I have a 25-year-old wife at home who is a supermodel. She cooks me gourmet meals every day, she keeps the house spotless, and we spend every night in total, passionate bliss."
The jogger looks confused. "Wait... that sounds amazing! Why are you crying?"
The old man looks up, tears streaming down his face, and wails: "I can't remember where I live!"
How does the cheetah do in every race?
It’s always a cheetah.
There's an old lady doing gardening every year. Nothing grows. She goes to the man who lives next door. She says, "How do you get your tomatoes so big and red?" He tells her, "You show them your privates at night time." So she leaves. That night later, she goes outside and shows the garden her privates. The next day she's got zucchinis a meter long!
🎆 New Year's Eve
Lil Johnny👦: "Every year the same, people always have to start banging before midnight!"
Mom👱🏻♀️: "Johnny, would you please leave the bedroom now?"
Dad👨🏻🦰: "Son, if you don't leave, it'll bang on your head!"
Your hairline is like a lollipop because every time someone licks it, it gets shorter.
Dad: No, Timmy, you don't have to worry, there is no monster sleeping under your bed, it sleeps every night in the bed next to me.
Why does Trump always ensure he has a second pair of pants with him every weekend?
In case he gets a hole in one.
Why doesn't Iran have any Walmarts?
Because they have a Target at every corner.
What tree is every emo kid trying to find?
The hanging tree.
Man: Hi, Doc, I have a problem. I take a shit at 6:00 AM every morning.
Doc: What's wrong with that?
Man: I don't wake up until 8:00 AM.
At least he got D.L.A. (Disability Living Allowance), so it's not all bad. Every cloud has a silver lining...even a mushroom cloud.
I’m trying to find out what IDK means. Every time I ask someone, they say, "I don’t know."
A person in NYC is shot every 5 minutes. Poor guy!
People are like bean burritos. You can eat them EVERY DAY, but you'll never run out.
What did the cow say every morning?
Good moorning!
If I had a dime for every time someone has told me to kill myself, I'd be a millionaire.
Why did everyone quit the high school volleyball team? To join Coach Kyle's team, of course!
Why was one afraid of every number in the world?
Because ONE wanted TWO get something THREE FOUR FIVE at the yard sale, but SIX was not there. SEVEN EIGHT NINE as well. When all but ONE remained, it got TENse.