Entertainment jokes
What atom presents TV shows?
David Atombrough.
What’s a pedophile’s favorite band? Kids Bop.
Once upon a time, there was a magician named Daniel. He usually did gigs for children, and this time he was working at a kid's birthday party. He walked in and said, "Hi boys and girls, my name is Daniel." He performed multiple tricks, each one amazing the children. Then, he said, "And for my final trick; I will disappear!" He lifted up a blanket and when it fell down he was gone.
Then, the birthday boy said, "Hey, he's like my dad."
"Really?" asked a little girl.
"I guessed?" he said back, "My dad wasn't a magician, but he disappeared. I haven't seen him since...."
1. Why did the scarecrow win an award? Because he was outstanding in his field.
2. Why did the melon jump into the lake? It wanted to be a water-melon.
3. What did the duck say when it bought lipstick? “Put it on my bill.”
4. What do you call a pig that does karate? A pork chop.
5. What has a bed that you can’t sleep in? A river.
6. Why were the teacher’s eyes crossed? She couldn’t control her pupils.
7. What starts with E, ends with E, and has only 1 letter in it? An Envelope.
8. How does the ocean say hello? It waves.
9. What lights up a soccer stadium? A soccer match.
10. What creature is smarter than a talking parrot? A spelling bee.
11. Which U.S. state has the smallest soft drinks? Minnesota (as in, “mini-soda”).
12. Why couldn’t the leopard play hide and seek? Because he was always spotted.
13. Apparently, you can’t use “beef stew” as a password. It’s not stroganoff.
14. Why did the drum take a nap? It was beat.
15. Where do hamburgers go dancing? They go to the meat-ball.
16. Why did the tomato turn red? It saw the salad dressing.
17. Why shouldn’t you write with a broken pencil? Because it’s pointless.
Yo momma is so stupid, she saw an anime and started eating a live rabbit, and thought she would get powers!
What do you call a rapper who LOVES to fish?
MC Hammerhead.
Little Jimmy was in the shower singing "Dame Tu Cosita," and her mom heard it and went to the shower, and Jimmy's mom saw Jimmy wearing a bathing suit in the shower, and Jimmy yells "WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY SWAMP!"
What's the difference between a midget and a tall person? Only one of them can ride the rides.
There was once a Spanish magician. He said, "Uno, dos..." and he disappeared without a tres.
I have some jokes about popcorn.
Nah, they're too corny.
My family is like Donkey Kong: a real pain in the ass.
Why did the rapper wear a watch to the studio?
He wanted to make TIMELESS TRACKS.
Your mom is so ugly even Shrek ran away from her.
Have you heard of the Xbox game Sea of Thieves?
See if these nuts fit in your mouth.
What is a show for kids?
Barney.
Sans: Why did the skeleton go to the party?
Papyrus: Why?
Sans: 'Cause he was too fat and ugly!
Papyrus: AHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHHA LOLOL,OLOLOL
What is an orphan's most hated TV shows?
"Family Guy" & "American Dad."
What's brown and rhymes with Snoop?
Dr. Dre.
Michael Jackson goes to his favorite bakery and says to the workers, "This is my favorite baker, hehe."
I know everything about Walt Disney! How he died, how his mom and dad died, how his kids died, when he was born, where he was born, and how he was born. 😏