Entertainment jokes
I’m in a wheelchair and I can do stand-up comedy, oh wait...
They're making a new Alien movie.
There are so many aliens you can't keep track.
What do you call a funny rapper?
A PUN-ISHER!
Why did the rapper bring a map to the studio?
Because he was searching for the PERFECT FLOW.
What do you call a rapper who's also a magician?
MC Presto.
Memes
What's got 9 arms and sucks?
Def Leppard.
The Titanic movie cost $200 million dollars to make, meanwhile the Titanic ship cost $400 million to construct.
Titanic was made by Paramount and 20th Century Fox. CHEAPSKATES!
When your friends [are] talking about sports:
Jake says, "It was 17.56M people watching [the] basketball championship."🦁
Sam says, "It was 113M people watching the Super Bowl." 😯🐱
Avion says, "It was up from 1.12 billion people watching [the] World Cup." 😶🙀
Figure: Who wants to play hide and seek?
Seek and Hide: Me.
Figure: Ok, Seek, you're it. Me and Hide will hide.
Seek: Why do I have to be the seeker?
Figure: Because your name is in seeker.
Hello, everybody, it's me, Mariplier, and today I'm going to be balling at Freddy's!
What did Michael Jackson say to the kid on his lap?
"There's a great singer inside of you."
What’s the difference between a pornstar covered in slime and The White Stripes?
One has "Icky Thump," and the other does "icky hump."
Can a guy in a wheelchair be a stand-up comedian?
What Lord of the Rings book is banned from the United States?
The Two Towers.
I ought to complain to Spotify for you not being named this week’s hottest single.
Why did Elsa's dog run away?
Because she let it go!
Like Markgeraldnasol and his Pokemon Jokes.
What do you call a killer that uses psycho powers?
Mr. Mime!
Things you say before sex, Disney addition:
"Have you seen my Mouseketool? Oh, Toodles!"
What did one orphan say to the other?
Quick, Robin! To the Batmobile!
What do you call a guy in a wheelchair that does comedy?
Sit down comedy.